Ancient

26 weeks + 1 day, 9 weeks + 3 days post rupture, day 19 at my parent's place.

My parents live in an 80 year old house on a busy street in the centre of our city. It's an awesome neighbourhood, close to everything. Their house is also a duplex, so they rent the upstairs in order to help pay the mortgage. Their old tenants were already living there when my parents bought the place, so my parents never had to advertise for new renters. Thankfully those tenants were wonderful and generally pretty quiet. But, they were a young couple and recently bought their own house. They moved out late February so the upstairs apartment has been empty since then.

All through March and into April my parents worked on updating the upstairs apartment. It was empty and they wanted to 'spruce it up' a bit so they could rent it for more money. They did a lovely job and their new tenants are moving in this weekend.

The new tenants are two young women. They have jobs, cars, are upwardly mobile, and want to live in a part of the city that is great for getting to fun things like clubs, shopping, parks etc.

I watched out the window today as they and their friends and their fathers helped unload stuff from their cars.

They and their friends are bouncing around in tank tops, flip flops and shorts, hauling boxes and carrying stuff up the stairs. I hear them moving around from my bedroom down below. They are excited to be moving into their 'first place!!!'.

Both women are 27.

I'm 28.

I'm on my second high risk pregnancy in just over a year. I am confined to a few rooms in my parent's home. Any muscle tone I had is gone. I have to track down 'babysitters' for myself this week (my mother-in-law? my brother? my best friend? Can you come stay with me?) My husband has to help me shower. I haven't had a hair cut, worn contacts, or put on makeup in months. Haven't had a dental check up in over a year because my pregnancy went to hell just before I was to go, and yesterday I plucked my eyebrows for the first time in weeks.

I wear the ashes of my dead child in a pendant around my neck.

I feel ancient.

By the way, recently my 'blog I follow' list changed itself and now shows photos embedded in the post updates. Just wondering if anyone knows how to get rid of those? Some of you have recently had 'rainbow' babies and while I'm genuinely happy for you, I'm just not up for their general alive-ness assaulting my eyes whenever I sign on to blogger. Thanks to anyone who can help me out with this.