Monday, May 23, 2011

Still baking, still leaking

25 weeks + 2 days, 8 weeks + 4 days post rupture, day 13 at my parent's house.

Still baking. Still leaking. Still recovering after those steroids. They definitely caused fluid retention in my skin and muscles, making me feel a little like a sausage in a casing. I didn't LOOK terribly swollen, but my skin felt tight all over and my legs and feet felt like I'd been standing on them all day (even though I barely stand for longer than 5 minutes at a time). My back and neck still haven't returned to their usual normal bed rest discomfort, even with half a dozen massages my husband gave me over the weekend.

I'm nervous about this week. My mom goes back to work on Wednesday and while we wait to hopefully have nursing home care approved, I've had to ask my mother-in-law and my best friend to share the load and 'babysit' me this week. As much as I hate asking for help, I'm afraid to be alone in case anything happens. I know this problem could be solved by hospitalizing me...but I just can't face going back there to 'stay' yet. I'm not sure when I will feel like it's the 'right time' or if I'll deliver before I get to that point. I hope not. I hope to make it back to the hospital...but with a better outcome predicted so that I won't feel so hopeless and helpless and depressed.

I wish we could have a better idea about how well the lungs are developing. I wish I knew on an hour by hour basis how much fluid I have, and if anything else is going wrong. I wish I didn't feel so afraid all the time. I know I'm repeating myself on here, but that's all I think of all day long and there is very little else to focus on.

I just hope my baby is doing okay. I can take the fear, the pain, the discomfort, the boredom, the stress, as long as Acorn is going to be okay.

In answer to comment #1: Yes I am still feeling movement. Some days more than others, some hours more than others. And if I get nervous, I always have my doppler.


  1. Thinking of you everyday.....I was worried when I saw a new post with no comment. I was so glad to see 25 weeks at the top. Who'd have thought 8 weeks ago. Although so many things have gone wrong, something is going right.

  2. Whoops forgot to title it. Hold on, I'll fix that.

  3. It's seriously amazing that you've made it this far. Just keep going day by day...that's all you can do. Continued wishes of good luck!!!!

  4. So maybe this is the boy (girl) who lives? I don't want to be a cheerleader if you aren't in the mood...but i can't help myself ;)

    Has Dr. Eyore given you a protocol yet? What's the plan Stan? Just keep baking? More shots? Does the prognosis get better the longer you keep Acorn inside or worse because of the rupture?

  5. It's always so good to see that Acorn is still baking! It is amazing how far you've made it, just taking one awful stressful day at a time! Hoping the at-home nursing works out and that it will be a much better situation for you than being stuck in the hospital.

  6. I have a feeling that Acorn might just be a miracle. The steroids made me so swollen as well, only a cold shower helped.

  7. Thinking of you and so glad that little Acorn is still going strong! I hope that all goes well this week with the transition of your care givers.

  8. Are there any tests that they can do for you that can evaluate lung development, at least to give you some sort of indication of what to expect?
    Every day that you get closer to 26 weeks is so encouraging! May Acorn continue baking!