Leaking

19 weeks + 3 days, 19 days post rupture

I think the universe hates me. Me and the people of northern Japan whose current nuclear crisis has been increased to the level of Chernobyl. Seriously, we must have done something really terrible in a past life to warrant this level of utter catastrophe and disappointment.

Kidding....well okay not really.

Late yesterday afternoon, around dinner time, I started leaking amniotic fluid again. I had been somewhat unsure over the prior week as to whether I was still leaking (was it coming out in small drips when I went to the washroom?), but I discovered last night that 'No, I can definitely tell when I'm leaking'. I figure I lost about 20 ml-30 mls or so...enough so that it's more difficult to feel the baby move today. My mental state (figuratively) joined my amniotic fluid in the toilet. Honestly, when I feel that fluid come out, it feels as disturbing as if I'm trying to hold in the blood of a gunshot victim, or am at the wheel of a plane going down. My mind starts screaming "WARNING! WARNING! IMPENDING DOOM AHEAD! DO SOMETHING!!!" It feels like I'm leaking away my child's life in slow small drips. It is fucking awful.

And OF COURSE, it had to occur the night before my fetal anatomy scan. You know, the scan that might tell us if we are having a boy or a girl, and the scan that's important to see if in fact our child is developing its parts correctly. Made more difficult or close to impossible WITHOUT FLUID.

We barely slept all night, but managed to make it right on time this morning for 9:45am's scan. It lasted two hours and 3 different people wanted to take a go, including the tech who did most of the measurements, the radiologist who was using me as a teaching tool, and a fellow who was practicing her ability to get uterine blood flow measurements. Even with all that, the report we got afterwards stated that the heart, spine, kidneys and feet need to be 'redone at a later date due to poor visualization due to lack of fluid' (assuming that I even have more fluid at that later date, oh and of course, that I'm still pregnant).

We didn't bother going to see my OB afterwards. We just dropped off the report. He's not going to say anything different and I couldn't take anymore pitying looks today. I was supposed to get an ECHO of my own heart today as well, but we missed our 11:15 appointment time and they were too busy to fit me in later.

Good news from the report is that baby's parts they could see appear normal. There was some fluid left, my amniotic fluid index (AFI) is 5.7 cm, lower than last week's 7.8 cm, but at least not zero. Aidan consistently had 'anhydramnious' meaning that there were no pockets bigger than 1 cm, and 'more than that' is needed for lung development, although I'm not sure how much more. Happily, we also got quite a good profile shot. There was just enough fluid near baby's head to see the outline, so at least it's something for the baby book. Acorn will also remain Acorn for now, as no boy or girl parts could be visualized.

Bad news is, of course, everything else. Placenta looks bad. Still leaking. Cervix length is only 2.7 cm (down from 3.0 cm last Thursday, this makes me VERY nervous). The baby is also measuring behind, so although I'm 'by dates' in my 19th week, the measurements only put us somewhere in the 18th.

It was also disappointing that the e-mail I sent to the placenta specialist Dr. K. was returned with "please make an appointment to discuss". Do doctor's realize how difficult that is? It means another day off work for my husband, another $20 in parking, more moving around, possibly causing more leaking for me, and it's days away until I could see him again and I wanted to ask a few questions about delivery which could, ya know, happen at any moment.

Oh, and just to cap off my day, I saw a woman in the clinic waiting room who I used to work with in the NICU. She's pregnant again with her second. I'm not sure she saw me, but I'm sure she heard when the ultrasound clinic desk yelled out both my first and last name. If she did, it will be all around the NICU soon that "hey, Emily who used to work here is pregnant again!" If I start getting facebook inquiries of "soooo....how are things?", I might just need to punch something.

Today's Bonus Question: Do any pPROM moms know what the 'minimal' fluid index needed for lung development is? 50 points to anyone who knows!