21 weeks + 6 days, 5 weeks + 1 day post rupture
In the weeks leading up to Aidan's birth I had begun to prepare for his possible death. One thing I knew I wanted to have ready for when he was born was an outfit. I wanted to dress him in clothing I had picked out and felt was 'right' for him. I ordered a couple of outfits from 'Preemie Proud'. One was a boy outfit, one was a girl outfit and one was a neutral white. I wanted the gender specific outfit to take pictures in and a white one to send the baby to the funeral home in. Since I didn't know if Aidan was a boy or a girl, I had to buy three. They were each less than $10 and arrived quickly in the mail. I had ordered their smallest size, knowing that Aidan was going to be tiny. He was measuring 500 grams (about 1 lb) at our doctor's appointment at 21-ish weeks. Their smallest size was "Micro preemie 1-3 lbs".
Aidan arrived at 580 grams or 1 lb, 4 1/2 oz. Exactly on track for his gestational age.
The nurse who cleaned him up after he died and brought him back to us, dressed him in a little white knitted outfit, complete with a light blue hat and tiny white knitted socks. It fit him perfectly and was cute. However, I quickly undressed him from that and put him in 'MY' outfit. I loved him. This nurse did not love him. Was not his mother. It was important that he wear what I had picked.
It was quickly apparent that my outfit was too big. He could have made a tent out of it. It was too wide and required the sleeves be rolled up almost all the way. The hat would fall off or cover his eyes. My outfit made him look even smaller than he was. The "Micro Preemie clothes sized 1-3 lbs" was much more of a 2 1/2 to 3 lb baby outfit. It made me sad. All I had wanted was to pick out an outfit for my baby, but the smallest one I could find, he would never grow into. The 'ward stock' the hospital had, fit him better.
I am, of course, running into the same problem this time. I would love to have an outfit ready for Acorn. Even if it was just plain white with no decoration. Most importantly I would like it to be small...really small. 1lb baby small (just in case). No longer than 10 inches from neckline to hem and no wider than 8 or so inches across the sleeves.
I have looked on all preemie clothes websites I could find. All of their 'micro preemie' sizes go up to 3 lbs. Much too large. All of their clothes are "NICU friendly" with snaps and velcro in places normal baby clothes do not have.
But what if your baby never grows? Never makes it to the NICU? It's also all gender specific...and I still don't know what Acorn is.
I have even looked at doll clothes websites. Some of them are probably small enough length wise, but I'm not sure about the proportions (fat arms? Torsos too skinny or too wide?). Also they are often way too elaborate and look like shrunk down beauty pageant outfits rather than living (dead?) baby clothes.
I think I need a store entitled "Dead Babies R Us" to find what I'm looking for. Or maybe more appropriate "Dead Fetuses' R Us". Maybe their clothes would be small enough.
Where did you get the outfit that your child was dressed in? Do you know anyone who makes outfits small enough for the tiniest of preemies?