Who's out there?

31 weeks + 3 days, 14 weeks + 5 days post rupture, day 12 in hospital (again).

So, some good news. Dr. W. came in on rounds today and immediately said that my C-section will be scheduled for July 21st, which will be exactly 34 weeks according to my September 1st due date (for you following my ovulation dates which I've been tracking above, it will be 33 weeks + 5 days). Not sure what time, but that's okay because I really don't want people hanging around the hospital 'waiting' for our baby to be born. On that day, I think I just want Brian here and that's it. If things go well, we can then call people to let them know and maybe even allow them to come visit. Same if things don't.

This is all considering we get that far with no disasters befalling us. It's scary, this high alert, watchful waiting, but I realize how much better it is for Acorn and his or her body parts to be born as close to term as possible. I just hope we are 'choosing' right on this. I hope I don't look back and regret it.

Another good thing is that my brand spanking new heparin injections are only given ONCE per day. I'm not sure exactly why this is as I'm more familiar with the twice daily injections we give to NICU babies...but hey, if they want them once a day who am I to argue. Jabbing me just once per day in my fleshy flank is okay by me. The shot didn't even hurt that much last night and if I only have to do it for a few more weeks before my body can (hopefully!) return to it's healthy, mobile, pre-pregnancy state, them I'm cool with it.

So while I'm writing some 'good news' here this evening, I'm actually doing it to keep my mind off my sadness. It's after 9pm, Brian has gone home for the evening, and I'm once again all alone and pondering my worries. Tonight I am longing for home. I haven't been in my own house since May 5th. Two months ago. I didn't miss my house so much while I was at my parents, but here it's different. I was thinking tonight how nice it would be to stretch out on my own couch and read, or sit in my little patch of back yard and smell the evening air. Shower in my own bathroom and use my own towels. Eat off my own plates using my own cutlery.

I miss not being able to walk farther than the bathroom. I miss not being able to decide "what should I have for dinner tonight?" and then go about making it myself (not that I love cooking or anything). I miss the ability to choose when and where and how my life is ordered. I miss feeling healthy. I miss the feeling of 'homeyness' you get in your mind, your body and your soul when things are just safe, and normal, and comfortable.

None of these sadnesses outweigh my desire to bring my baby home healthy and safe, but after almost 15 weeks, the heaviness grinds you down. Sometimes I just have to cry for all I am missing. In the end, what I hope to achieve will make it worth it, but in the mean time, I reserve the right to be sad.

So tonight I would like you guys to do something for me. I have a feeling that quite a few of you are checking up Acorn and following our saga on a regular basis as I regale you with my life's story and pour my heart out into cyberspace. So I was just wondering if you could maybe introduce yourself, especially if you aren't a regular commenter, and tell me why you are reading. It's nice to hear from the world beyond my 4 hospital walls and I would love to hear what you are taking away from my posts. I feel I am affecting the world so little these days, chained to my bed as I am, that it would be nice to hear what you get out of keeping up with my life.

So, 'my peeps', who's out there?