I hate to admit it, but I'm not excited about telling our families or friends about Acorn..at all. This has nothing to do (of course) with being sad about being pregnant. I am grateful, happy and not taking it for granted. (Very very happy. Very very grateful. Keep growing Acorn!!)
So why wouldn't I want to share that?
Why wouldn't I want to relish in the joy of others?
I remember promising myself way back when, that I would try to celebrate the next baby more. I was sad I didn't do more celebrating with Aidan, and maybe if I had, people would have been sadder too when he died. Not just for us, but for themselves. That they missed out on meeting Aidan and watching him grow up. It is never a bad thing when many many people love your child. Love makes children's lives richer, fuller, better....
So why am I so reluctant to even squeek out the words "I'm pregnant?" (I can barely even talk about it with medical professionals without feeling uncomfortable...)
To psyche myself up for eventually telling my family, I decided to tell a woman at work after our ultrasound last week. This is the woman that I work every shift with and she drives me home after work. I spend quite a bit of time with her from Monday to Thursday every week. We've spent a lot of time talking about our families, work, our hobbies, her living children and my dead one, etc. So I figured she would be the perfect person to try 'coming out' to.
She squeeled and almost started to cry (perhaps telling her while driving home wasn't the best plan?), and immediately started to say things like "I knew it!" and "Oh, I can't wait to see you with a baby bump, you'll be so cute..." and so on and so forth.
Inside I was squirming. Of course what starts running through my head is "Oh God, what if something happens...I'd have to un-tell her and that would suck so much...now she's all excited and saying things like she'll be a the baby's 'work auntie'...oh no, please please please don't let this baby die. Please let her get to continue being happy for me. Acorn, mommy really needs you to be okay!"
So, yeah...maybe not quite ready to out myself to anyone else yet.
Any tips? Would telling our families in an e-mail that we're pregnant again be weird? Of course then we'd have to not answer our phone for awhile too...