122

We have a heartbeat. 122 bpm. It's also in the correct location (not in the tube or any other crazy place a blastocycst can land). *Whew*

I can cross ectopic pregnancy and blighted ovum off my very long list of "Disasters To (pleasepleaseplease) Avoid".

That being said, the embryo was only measuring 6 weeks and 2 days, when I should have been 7 weeks according to my LMP and 6 weeks 5 days according to when I ovulated. Even worse (???) the yolk sac was measuring 5 weeks, 5 days. The doctor doing the scan didn't seem concerned, and said that the crown to rump measurement is more accurate at this stage, and even that can be off by up to half a week. I suppose it all makes sense in the fact that we seemed to have implanted late (I didn't get even a faint positive on my home pregnancy test until 14 dpo) and my initial beta levels were fairly low (but doubling nicely!!).

Still....it makes me nervous. Actually, let's be honest, I would be nervous no matter what. As wonderful as it is to be pregnant (trust me, I'm not at all taking it for granted), it's also terrifying, because I have something else to lose. Somebody else that I'm responsible for, yet who I have no ability to protect beyond continuing to breathe, eat well, take my progesterone and sleep.

I think the fertility clinic doctor was a little puzzled as to why my husband and I didn't seem *overjoyed* to see a heartbeat (we were, but anxiety tends to be the more visible emotion). So we told her that we had a loss last April. She was nice about it and said that issues with the placenta tend not to reoccur. She then offered us another check-up ultrasound in 2 weeks, just to make sure things were progressing nicely.

I'm of two minds now about ultrasounds. As nice as it is to see 'hey things are normal'...the lead up to them makes me SO anxious because, as we all know, things may not be normal. I also tend to feel more nauseous when I'm anxious. I was almost puking walking from the car to the clinic yesterday. Plus the information you get from ultrasounds can make you crazy (6 weeks and 2 days!! That's over half a week behind what I thought I was...Oh no...what does Dr. Google have to say about that??!!). And so on and so forth.

It's also kind of crazy to compare pregnancies. We had an ultrasound with Aidan at 6 weeks and 1 day, where he was measuring 6 weeks and 2 days (coincidence??) and his heart rate at that time was 175!! Makes you wonder, is this embryo just laid back and chill? 122 bpm, no reason to be upset. Just resting, growing and relaxing. Was Aidan already under stress and that's why his heart rate was so high? Or maybe Aidan was just really healthy (placenta issues not withstanding) and that's why he was at 175. Maybe that's why he lasted as long as he did.

Still, I'm happy with 122. Must remind myself to hold on to the good.