Tuesday, January 18, 2011

One thing I will never do...

is post about this pregnancy on facebook. At all. Ever.

My husband and I have actually discussed just waiting until (we hope) I'm huge enough that it will be hard to ignore. "Yeah, I guess I have gained a little weight lately... Pregnant?? Well I guess so...maybe...possibly... How many weeks? Ohhh....35-ish...give or take".

The first the facebook universe will hear about this baby (who we are calling Acorn* by the way) is if by some miracle he (or she) arrives home with us (safely, and alive, in a car seat, not an urn) in the late summer.

I've just finished re-watching the movie "The Social Network" (very good movie if you've never seen it) and I decided to jump on-line to check my facebook account. This is something both my husband and I have stopped or at least limited lately. It became too hard to watch high school friend, after cousin, after old work buddy, just pop out the kids like it's no big deal. You all know. You get it.


I long on to my account and start perusing the Newsfeed and up pops about 3 or 4 people who are announcing they are pregnant and due this summer. Now I'm sure most of them have just hit 12 weeks and are over the moon that they will all be bringing home their new spawn this summer and of course just have to tell the whole world. My first thought is "are you people CRAZY!!!! Do you know what could HAPPEN between now and then??!!! For God's sake I could write you a LIST!!!" And so on and so forth.

But it won't. I must keep reminding myself of this. Babies get conceived and born and come home and grow up just fine all the time. It is only me (and all of you) who spend each day (and night) worrying about something terrible happening. The rest are announcing it on facebook.


*This baby's womb name is Acorn because: "what do Acorn's grow into?" That's RIGHT! GIANT FREAKING OAK TREES!!! That LIVE over a HUNDRED years!!! Aidan's womb name was Peanut and I'm afraid it did not convey the right attitude. Peanuts are small and do not get big and are tasty and therefore get eaten. Aidan was cute and sweet just like a peanut...but I'd like the next baby to outlive me...like an Oak tree.

Also, in case you haven't noticed, I've added a few new photos to Aidan's name list and, most exciting of all, I finally got his foot prints up! Yes those are his actual foot prints (fairly life sized based on my computer settings). I wanted to give a shout out to Andrea from i wish you love for the help she provided in making his foot prints pretty using photoshop. Yeah for Andrea! Yeah for photoshop! Thank you Andrea.

If you've had a pregnancy following loss how did you 'announce it?' If you haven't, what do you imagine you will do the next time?


  1. Yep. Although I waver back and forth with trying to just be happy and fretting over all that could happen after the "big reveal", I don't see myself posting it on FB. And, if I would, it wouldn't be until I was obviously large enough that it couldn't be missed. Since I'm 36, most of my friends already post the wonderfulness of their children daily and I don't get many pregnancy announcements. I do remember how appalled I was to read one from someone who was six weeks. The things people take for granted.

    I did notice the new pictures. They are beautiful.

  2. The day Hope deleted myself off FB and didn't reactivate my account for 18 months - when Angus, my subsequent baby, was a couple of months old. So there was no worry about how to announce it, as there was no more FB. I just told who I needed to tell, when I needed to tell them. There was no mass text or email. I figured anyone who didn't really need to know would just find out in their own time. If they didn't hear it from me, well then that to me was a good indication of how important they were to me. They really special people who were there for me when Hope died - I told them as soon as I saw two lines on the stick. But everyone else had to wait until the news dribbled through from us. Because as you know, there is no "safe stage" for us. And for me, having lost Hope at 40+ weeks, that is certainly the case.
    I think Acorn is a BRILLIANT name and I hope the end of this summer is full of much happiness for you. Baby-coming-home-in-the-carseat kind of happiness!

  3. I love that you are calling this little one Acorn and why!

    We haven't been pregnant yet since losing Bailey, and I was already a nervous wreck with her because of the 2 previous miscarriages I had. If and when we are ever pregnant again, I haven't decided what we are going to do. We have made the adoption announcements on Facebook, but as for a real pregnancy...don't know.

  4. I announced on FB when I was around 13w. Well I announced it on my blog and had comments on FB. I had so much support from friends on FB after we lost Aidan that I knew if something happened again I would get that support. As I've progressed in my pregnancy, the support has been for when I'm having a bad day.

  5. I love the name acorn...what a great meaning! It's funny how now you think about things like that so much more now after a loss.

    I have not been pregnant since Mikayla died, but I cringe when I see those FB announcements now too (although I have to admit I was ONE of THEM before she died) and I don't think I'll be making any FB announcements the next time around. I do think that we'll tell people otherwise even sooner than we did with Mikayla just in case something were to happen and we need support. Even if I had an early miscarriage I wouldn't be keeping it a secret so I guess that just feels right to me. Looking forward to seeing your little acorn grow!

  6. I noticed the footprints right away, they look wonderful!
    In terms of announcing our pregnancy, our close family and friends who follow my blog new through that, but we haven't formally announced anywhere else. I think at work I'll wait until I'm showing and can't hide it anymore, not sure about fb and if/when we'd announce on there. Will have to wait to see how far we make it and when/if it feels right on there.

  7. I hear you on the FB thing. It really horrifies me how much info people put on there. I know one person who announced at 5 wks!! crazy........
    As for this current pregnancy, I'm 27 wks, and we still haven't told everyone. We've told our families, close friends, and people I see everyday like coworkers etc. I think there's lots of his extended family that don't know yet (we skipped xmas this year). Honestly, it's too irritating and exhausting dealing with all the super excited "congratulations, you must be so excited" comments from people who just don't get it.

  8. The facebook comments get to me...I rarely get on there because I see the "Im Pregnant" almost daily. Or my fave.."will the morning sickness please stop?" Or "I am so tired from being pregnant..." I decided that if I should get pregnant again, maybe I will announce it @ 20 weeks. Maybe not. I feel very guarded. I want to tell all these folks the horrible things that could happen..
    Love the little Acorn name. :))
    Praying for your sweet little one!

  9. I'm right there with ya. After losing Claire my husband and I have discussed that we don't want to share the news for as long as possible. We'll slowly let our friends and family know as we become more comfortable, we will share on her website so the people who want to know what we are going through can, but we won't announce it hysterically like we did the first time. After she had died, there was just too much explaining to do. I'm sure someone may notice if I'm tagged in a picture and look like I swallowed a football, but I will just follow my friends advice when it happens (i'm hoping soon!) she is obviously pregnant but is having a tough pregnancy and won't tell anyone. She just doesn't talk about. Since she doesn't bring it up, no one asks! I told her, "brilliant!!" I understand why a lot of people just delete the account- it spreads a lot of personal information very, very fast. (Love the Acorn nickname, good call about picking something big and strong. Would it be bad to call my next baby.. Empire.. Himalaya... Atmosphere.. lol)

  10. I also didn't make any announcements on facebook. I posted only a couple baby bump pictures for my friends only. I don't trust the universe anymore and I don't want all those old friends and acquaintances seeing more than they deserve.

  11. Love Aidan's footprints. And I love the nickname Acorn!

    We kept our pregnancies super-secret. We never even told family for a long time. And once we told immediate family, we held off telling friends and co-workers for several more weeks.

    I've never had a facebook account. I am glad that I don't.

    I think of you often, and I'm sending out good vibes that Acorn continues to develop well, and that your pregnancy is trouble-free.

  12. Totally doable! I still have not posted anything on facebook 24 weeks later. The important people in my life know and thats all that matters.

  13. My situation was a little different. This was my 4th pregnancy and we learned we were expecting twins. I told the whole world! 3 weeks after my suspicion of twins was confirmed, Baby B passed away. It was AWFUL. Where FB and blogger had once been my friends and my "rejoice with us" internet experience, they have now become awful reminders and somehow slightly helpful during the rough times. I don't know if I would announce another pregnancy on FB. It still hurts.

  14. I love Acorn, too. And Aidan's footprints are adorable.

    I am still taken aback by all of the happy FB pregnancy posts, but now I just worry for the parents and hope that they don't come to regret them. (Mostly. Sometimes I still yell at the screen.) I did, eventually, "announce" my second pregnancy on FB, but most of my FB friends are family and co-workers I would have told anyway. They all also knew the story of Dot's older brother and had been hoping for me, and I would have wanted to tell them if anything terrible happened, too.

  15. Love Aiden's sweet little footprints. Beautiful.

    And I smiled at Acorn's name. :)

    As for your pregnancy question - with our current pregnancy, we told our parents and siblings immediately, plus a couple of very close friends. Besides that, we waited until after first trimester to tell some more friends, and then waited again until after our 18 week ultrasound to begin telling more people. I think around 20 weeks my husband sent out an email to his friends that had responded to us and/or attended Acacia's memorial service after she died. And I did a FB announcement at 20 weeks too. The loving responses I got from more distant friends was just what I needed. A friend from college said he usually hated baby bump photos, but he was so happy to see mine, and said I could post as many as I wanted. :) I wasn't sure about posting on FB, but I'm glad I did - it worked for me. But it makes so much sense that it doesn't work for everyone!

  16. I've never been to your blog before... and I just lost my son at full term just 2 months ago. I never announced on facebook in the first place because I actually have friends who have struggled with infertility and I refuse to be the person to ruin their day(s) because I had it so easy getting pregnant. Never a belly photo either. I just didn't want to hurt them in that way. Now that I have lost my own son, I sure as hell won't be posting there. Ever! I have damn near hidden every single person on my list who has a living child, it's pathetic. I only get updates from people way out of baby range... and men. Haha.

    Hope you don't mind that if I'm ever pregnant again, I may just have to use Acorn to refer to that baby. I figure us depressed preggos should stick together. Plus, I love the story and how (most likely) no one will ever know the symbolism. I also called my first peanut. And... he stopped growing, just as a peanut does. :(

  17. A darling friend of mine, who lost her daughter to SIDS at three years old, is pregnant after nearly two years of trying to conceive. She told everyone as soon as she found out, at 5 weeks. Because, she said, that she WANTED to celebrate with her friends. And if things went wrong? She wanted people to know, so she wasn't grieving alone.

    So far, she is well into the second trimester, and still going strong :)