Oh October!

Oh October...I had such plans for you.

These 'plans' hark back to February when we thought "things might be okay" with our little baby. At the time, I knew the baby would be early and was likely to be born in July due to my heart condition...I had hoped no earlier than mid-July-ish (HA!). I thought we might spend the rest of the summer and maybe into September getting used to middle of the night feedings, possible colic, lack of sleep, and recovering my strength after giving birth.

But I had plans for October. By October I thought, I should be feeling more myself. I should be used to breastfeeding. The baby will hopefully be into a routine and might even be sleeping better by then.

October was going to be our month. Our month to take long stroller rides through the falling leaves. To visit Brian's family out of town and introduce them all to the new baby. To take pictures at the apple orchard and the pumpkin patch, surrounded by all the other families with kids. To shop at ridiculously high priced farmers markets with my baby sleeping in a sling. To have Thanksgiving and my Birthday all rolled into one day of happiness and family and love. To dress my baby in a ridiculously cute costume to enhance his (or her, in February I didn't know Aidan was a he) already legendary cuteness.

God damn it...I want that October back.

I want my baby back.

I miss you Aidan...my little pumpkin. Know that I had plans for you. Wish we could be together, enjoying them.