It's October 15th. Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. Coincidentally my due date was 2 months ago, exactly.
I went back to my FertiltyFriend.com August 2010 mommies board today, just to see what life 'could have been' like. They are all posting about not sleeping, breastfeeding, cloth diapering vs. disposables, etc etc. I fell off the wagon when it was back at the "What are you having?? and "How many kicks are you feeling each day?" postings. It feels like a lifetime ago.
Things have diverged so much from what we had hoped. It is hard to even imagine what life would have been like had Aidan lived. What would his room look like? Right now it's almost completely empty. How much sleep would I be getting? Last night I slept for 7 hours straight. What size clothes would I be in? Currently still fit in the same size I've been for years. Most wistfully of all...what would Aidan feel like in my arms?
I can only imagine it would feel like heaven.
I miss you my baby boy. I don't need a special day to remember you. You are with me always.
How are you 'celebrating' today?