28 week musings

28 weeks, 11 weeks + 2 days post rupture, day 32 at my parent's place.

28 weeks...huh. Not bad. Never really expected to get here...but glad to see it for sure. If this were a climb up Mount Everest I would be at 2nd base camp or something. High up, for sure. Way higher than most get...but still the top is covered in clouds. Or, to use another analogy, I feel like I've been nominated for an Oscar...but I'm a long shot. I'm the one that only got nominated because I'm a nobody, but had an amazing performance in my first ever lead role. I don't know if I expect to win...but hey, since I'm nominated, it COULD happen. Plus it's been fun hanging out with the likes of Meryl Streep and Dame Judy Dench. I guess what I'm saying is I still don't feel like I fit in with 'real' pregnant women...but the idea that there might be a living baby in my future (and an NICU stay) is starting to feel slightly more 'possible' rather than completely improbable.

Now, if only my crystal ball were working and I could know about Acorn's lungs. Because no matter how far up this mountain I get, if those don't work, we're sliding all the way back down into babylost hell.

In other news, my insurance company denied my claim for nursing services, so we continue to rely on family and friends to come and babysit me. I can't say I'm surprised after the chilly reception I got from the nurse coordinator who came to assess me. The insurance company sent me a form basically stating I was too high risk and should be in the hospital. Awesome...thanks for nothing insurance company. So far, things have been working out, but we have no one to cover this coming Monday, and Brian refuses to even consider letting me stay by myself (which I'm secretly glad of), so it might mean he has ANOTHER day off this week, in addition to Thursday which is our doctor appointment day. *Sigh*...it's only money, right?

Since our doctor's appointment on Thursday I've been leaking more fluid. I try to remind myself that Acorn is peeing lots, and that fluid can re-accumulate...but it's scary and upsetting when it happens, especially if it's lots of larger gushes in a short time period. It's hard not knowing when or if it's going to stop and how long it might take to build up again. One larger gush every couple of days isn't too terrible, but multiple times over the course of a day or two freaks me out. It also didn't help that yesterday Acorn seemed to be stuck WAY down in my pelvis (like bikini line level) and wasn't moving very much. Seriously kid...I need you to move at least a couple of times an hour to let me know you're okay! Acorn, you've got to work with me here. Save the drama for when you're much older and healthier and want a Nintendo or a car or something. I'll cave...I promise.

When the gushes and less movement happen I never know if we should just wait it out and see what happens or should we be rushing to the hospital to get Acorn checked out. The decision making feels like such a big responsibility, which I know is why Brian wants me in hospital. He's afraid we'll choose wrong and wants 'professionals' making those calls, not us. It's just that I could go there and get admitted and then sit around for days or weeks, sad, uncomfortable, and stressed. I'd just be eating crappy food and increasing my risk of infection..and Acorn may be just fine and not know the difference.

I wish I could see the future. It would make things so much easier.