Father's Day

Ah yes, that other hallmark holiday has arrived.

But, on the other hand, it gives me a reason to post about my wonderful husband. It hurts me to see Brian sad and missing Aidan. As much as it kills me sometimes to see other mommies with their babies, it's nothing compared to how sad I am when I see daddies with their babies. Because, that should be Brian. He deserved to have a living baby here to cuddle and play with and teach stupid boy things to. He would make a wonderful daddy. He DID make a wonderful daddy...it just didn't last long enough.

One of the things that has always impressed me about Brian is how good he is with kids. At family functions where my cousins turn up with busloads of children (I have a lot of cousins), Brian is always happy to play with them, rough house with them, listen to their stories and do it with interest in his voice. Kids can always tell if you are faking...and he's not. He really likes them. My cousin's daughter especially connected with him. And this is a girl who is painfully shy. She doesn't talk much outside her own family and didn't have much experience with adult men, until recently when her mom remarried. But, for some reason, many years ago at a Christmas party her and Brian clicked. She was only about 4 or 5 at the time, but for some reason she connected with Brian. She spent the evening talking to him and showing him her new toys. Then, it the cutest display of childhood affection I've ever seen, she gave him half of her 'best friend' necklace. She had just got it as a Christmas gift and she gave half her heart shaped necklace to Brian. It's been years now, but she still occasionally asks him if he has it. He always answers honestly that he does...and it's true. It's in his bedside drawer.

Brian took excellent care of me during my rocky pregnancy, never failing to come to a doctor's appointment. Never complaining when he had to come home after working 10 hours to make dinner for me. He was with me through all the bleeding episodes and never freaked out (and it was scary). He got me to the hospital on the night Aidan was born and made sure everyone took good care of me. He held Aidan as he died and was so so gentle with his little body. He misses him every day...just like me.

I hope he gets the chance again to be a daddy to a living child. I hope that my body will be able to do that for him. He deserves it.