How it all went down (Part 6)

February 13th-March 3rd 2010

These were the best weeks of my pregnancy. I was still on 'couch' rest for most of it, so I watched a lot of Olympics. I think I saw most of the Canadian medal winning performances...it was fun...it was something to occupy my day.

Brian and I spent a small portion of almost every day during this time wondering whether we were having a boy or a girl. Neither of us REALLY cared what it was...we just wanted to know. I spent a lot of time on the Internet during these weeks, looking at baby things. Since I never actually got to buy anything, I wanted to show you what Aidan's room, and his stroller would have looked like if we had got to bring him home. We never bought anything...but we had big plans.

This would have been the crib bedding:

I had designs picked out for a girl and a boy. For our boy Aidan, we would have painted his room a light blue, probably slightly darker than than the picture, but similar. I did want to try to do a bamboo decal on the wall, although I would have attempted a more "realistic" looking bamboo design, possibly in either green or cream. We wanted a dark chocolate coloured crib and dresser set so that would have been different from the picture. I also might have forgone buying the bumper pad as there are now recommendations out there that you keep any and all padded stuff away from the baby's head, for safety reasons. Ah, baby safety recommendations...if only you could guard their safety in the womb so easily.

I had imagined putting a comfy chair in the baby's room too, so that I could breastfeed him or her comfortably. Hopefully the chair we bought would rock as well, so that I could rock my baby to sleep when he or she was fussy. It's hard to go in what would have been Aidan's room now. I can imagine what it would have looked like so clearly...

This would have been his stroller:

We would have bought it in red, no matter what sex we were having. It's a great colour for either a boy or a girl. I couldn't wait to take Aidan for walks in his stroller. I love going for walks in my neighbourhood. I love the exercise, I love being outside in nice weather...and I couldn't wait to share that with my baby.

I hadn't solidified my crib or car seat choice yet, before we found out the bad news, but they would have been lovely.

As I'm looking at these baby things now, it feels like I was picking them out only moments ago. How can it be that the person I was picking them for is no longer here? No longer needs these things? Will never need these things? It just feels wrong.