I've actually been in a slightly better mood lately. I think it's because we've finally reached the time of year where Aidan was 'alive' last year. And, as much as it completely and totally sucks that he's not alive this year, and I would do anything to have him back...it's also...well...not as awful as I was expecting. It's always going to be sad of course, but I'm okay. I'm coping.
I was really afraid that this Christmas would be absolutely horrible. That neither my husband or I would be in any type of mood to celebrate. That we would mope through the holidays and ruin it for everyone else. And maybe we're not *quite* the joyous people we could be, but we're also really trying not to be stuck in the dumps either. We have got it together enough that we are over halfway through our shopping and wrapping. We went out and bought a real tree and decorated it, just like we always do. I have done some baking for Christmas, and even spread a bit of holiday cheer by taking some cookies into work (and they were DAMN good cookies). So, all in all so far December hasn't been a total washout this year.
It has helped a lot that I went back to the RE, where, as I expected from our test results she proclaimed us as 'not having any problems that she could tell as per our testing'. But, when I told her about the spotting that I have before EVERY period, she immediately suggested that we do some cycle monitoring and that I start on progesterone therapy for the second half of my cycle. YEAH! FINALLY!!! (And cheap!!!)
In case you're keeping track, ovulation should be taking place as we speak and I will start progesterone therapy on Saturday. I'm just glad that someone is finally taking this spotting seriously, and trying to do something to stop it from happening. Although it might not be the only thing holding us back from getting pregnant, I feel it's a step in the right direction to have a luteal phase that is at least 14 days, rather than my usual 11ish days.
So that's where we are at folks. It could all come crashing down in a few days and I could be on the floor sobbing my eyes out, but I'm enjoying this little holiday high.
How are you doing this holiday season? If you've celebrated without your baby before, how is this year ranking in comparison?