Ends and Beginnings (Part 1)

This is going to be a somewhat long and jumbled post and I might even make it into two posts.

Perfect cap to a somewhat long and jumbled year.

It's New Year's Eve and I finally got the results of my 2nd beta today. I tried calling the day after I had it done (December 29th) and I got put on hold for 15 minutes at my doctor's office. I had to hang up eventually because I was at work and ya' know, had stuff to do. When I texted my husband at home, he said he'd drive over and see if they would tell him. Not 20 minutes later he texted me back saying my doctor's office had CLOSED for the day!!! (Did they leave me on hold and close??)AND they were closed the next day, December 30th!!! (I'm still not sure why that was...it's a work day...middle of the week and all that). Anyway, finally got the results today and my 18 DPO beta from Dec 28 was: 242.

First beta: 26, Second beta: 242 Time between: 118 hours. Doubling time: 36.67 hours.

*Whew*

Then of course I start reading stuff on the Internet about how 'late' implantation (which I assume I had), more often results in miscarriage...

I really should just move to Antarctica and the penguins and I could survive just fine without a WiFi signal to mess with our heads. New Year's resolution #1: No more checking the Internet for shit that just scares the bejezus out of me and doesn't contribute to my mental well being.

Of course, I also have a really bad cold. I've had it for a week and this morning woke up feeling as though my left ear might explode and my throat hurt so much I could barely swallow. I thought I might have an ear infection. Due to my heart, I try not to screw around when I think I might have an infection. Now this would be the perfect type of illness for my family doctor to deal with, but I didn't even bother calling her. Why you ask? Because to get an appointment with her takes days if not weeks. If I'm actually sick when I need her, I will either be better or dead by the time my appointment rolls around. I didn't have to wait long at the walk in clinic and fortunately the doctor felt it was viral related, no antibiotics required and told me to take Tylenol (but nothing else!!). I have since caved and taken an extra strength Tylenol. I have been avoiding them the last week (even though I would have loved to take one as this cold is kicking my ass) as I made one of those stupid promises to myself. You know the ones where you promise to be good and safe and do all the right things and then in the end what you want will most definitely occur because of all the sacrifices you made??? ie: "If I don't take Tylenol for this cold, my pregnancy will be fine and result in a healthy baby". Yeah, well...can't think along those lines anymore. It didn't work for Aidan...so it probably won't work for baby #2. But I might just Google it until midnight...

Anyway, as I was about to leave the doctor's office, he asked the question. "Is this your first pregnancy?" I told him no and what happened. He responded with "God is watching over you". Since I don't deal with many religious people in my daily existence, I was a bit taken aback with what to say. Should I shoot back that I came here for medical, not spiritual advice and that he should keep his God talk to himself? Should I say "Thanks, but we don't believe in God?" I responded with the less antagonizing response of "I hope so". The doctor then went on to say "Oh, you don't have to hope. You hope that I'm a good doctor and that your husband is a good husband...but God is always good".

Um...right....great...tell that to Aidan...but yeah, whatever....

We made a move to walk out the door and that's when the doctor said "And you never know, he might have been disabled"....

!!!!!!!!

I don't think I'll be going back to that walk in clinic anytime soon. Jackass.

I have more to say but I'd like to write a post dedicated to Aidan and this year a bit later. Since I'm just staying home tonight and vegging on the couch, I'll continue with Part 2 after I choke down some dinner.