Thursday, June 24, 2010

If wishes were horses...

Growing up I always thought about if I could have one wish granted what would it be? Would it be a wish for myself? Like, I wish my heart was normal like everyone elses? That would be nice...but perhaps kind of heart did and still does pretty good. I don't feel like I'm suffering or missing out on anything because of it. So maybe I should wish for a million dollars. Well that would be good too, but as they say, money can't buy happiness. So what would make me happy?

Perhaps my wish should be something bigger, something more important, more self-less. Something that would make not only me happy, but other people too. Like what if I could save the Amazon rainforest down in Brazil? It hurts my heart to see all those trees cut down, all those animals displaced from their homes. Or, what if I could save all the starving children in Third world countries? That would be amazing! No more empty bellies. Or, what if I could stop wars from happening? No more nuclear missiles, no more bombs, no more guns and most importantly no more hate in the hearts of people for others. Think of all the time, energy and manpower we'd have left over if we didn't focus on war anywhere? We might be able to solve the other problems if we quit focusing on killing each other.

I never thought to wish that my child wouldn't die. I didn't think I had to. It should have been a given. Even after I grew up and considered that a pregnancy might hurt my heart, I never thought to wish that it would spare my child.

Now, I have no more wishes for things that would save others. I just want Aidan back. That would be my wish, my miracle. Or, if I can't have someone brought back from the dead (even I concede that that's a tall order), I wish for his sibling. A healthy, normal, full-term, living, breathing sibling. That is all. Nothing more, nothing less.

So, sorry Amazon rainforest, Greenpeace will just have to keep knocking on doors and fundraising to keep you big and strong and healthy. Sorry Third world children, as much as it pains me to see your bloated bellies and sad eyes, my own children are my priority. Too bad, everyone in Afghanistan, Iraq and the Gaza Strip, you guys will just have to sort your own problems out. I can't afford to waste wishes on you.

My child is dead and I need to wish him back into existence. I'd trade it all for that one thing.

I don't even have to ask what your one thing would be, do I?


  1. Are we allowed to cheat and wish for more wishes? I'd make a wish for all of us. No more dead babies. No more miscarriages, stillbirths, or infant deaths. Everybody lives.

  2. Love this. Love your writing. My wish is also for a kid I get to take home. Boy, girl, fat, skinny, I don't care. Just alive, please.

  3. My wish would be for all of us to have our babies living here with us. <3

  4. my wish is for a rewind button, but since i can't have it, yes, i wish for a healthy, happy baby, that can come home with us and live a long and happy life, and die LONG after ken and i die. children should NOT die before their parents.

  5. If only there were a way to make our wishes come true. I know we would do about anything to make that happen.

    I hate that we are left to wonder why.

    Doesn't stop me from wishing though - for all of us to be holding our living, healthy babies someday soon.

    I keep you in my thoughts, and I appreciate all your kind comments on my blog.