Friday night I couldn't sleep. Earlier in the evening we had watched the movie "The Help". I had read the book and was looking forward to seeing the movie. Brian was sitting watching with me and he seemed to be enjoying it....until we got to the part where Celia has her miscarriage in the bathroom. As she's burying the box in the backyard under a rosebush, Brian turns to me and says "Why didn't you warn me?"
Ah yes. Woman laying on the floor. Blood soaking the bathroom. That is a sore spot.
So Friday night as I lay in bed I couldn't help thinking about Aidan, and how the next day, Saturday December 3rd was the 2 year anniversary of my positive pregnancy test with him. I remember that day so clearly. I was so excited. Nervous. Thrilled. Relieved. I never, ever, could have guessed what would happen over the next couple of months. And I wondered, would I have wanted to be forewarned? In that moment when those two lines popped into existence, would I have wanted to know what was coming next? Probably not. Getting that positive test is like jumping off a cliff. You can't go back, so why ruin the moment?
Christmas this year will be easier than last year...but not perfect.