One year ago today, I woke up early to make sure that my pregnancy test was negative before stopping the Progesterone. To my utter surprise, it was positive. It felt like a Christmas miracle...that went totally off the rails come March.
Yet here we are one year later. Preparing once again for the Christmas festivities at our relatives' houses, but having to take into account nap times, pumping schedules, diaper bags, and bringing extra changes of clothes in case of 'poo-splosions'.
This year has been a crazy ride. From the highest of highs to the lowest of the black, deep, dark pits, and back into the light again. I feel so incredibly grateful for life to be as good as it is right now.
I often look back on this last year and wonder "how the hell did we get so lucky?!!" Because we did. I know we did. When I think of all the terrible things that could have gone wrong between the time of my water breaking, to when Kaia was born, I shutter and internally shy away from remembering those awful weeks. I still to this day cannot read my blog posts between March 24th and July 9th of this year. It just brings back the hurt and the fear, and I'm not ready to mentally revisit that time yet.
People often wonder why bad things happen to them. I know I did after Aidan died. Why did he die? Why my son? Why him? Why our family? But the other side of that, is of course, questioning why do good things happen to us? Why did Kaia live? Why did we get so lucky? Why did she beat the statistics and come out (almost, dislocated hip aside) perfect? The nurse practitioner I was telling my story to at Kaia's pre-anesthesia appointment this week said that 'it gave her chills'.
Too true, lady.
I don't know why things worked out so well for us the 2nd time around. I don't know if it's something I did or didn't do. I don't know if it was luck or genetics or fate, or some combination thereof. If so, why did Kaia have it and Aidan didn't? I will never know...but I am eternally grateful for the life and health of my second child. And I'm so happy to be celebrating the holidays with my wonderful husband, and little miracle girl.
I hope all of you out there in blog land find some peace and joy in your lives this holiday season.
Merry Christmas to one and all.
And sloppy, drooly, kisses from Kaia.
Have you ever questioned why you got 'lucky' either baby-making or otherwise? How did you reconcile yourself to the fact that others don't?