Things are no longer going to be okay.
My membranes ruptured yesterday. It was confirmed as amniotic fluid in Emerg.
We are devastated. Our families are devastated. Our friends and work colleagues are all so sorry for us.
I cannot believe this happened. Again.
I am at home. On bed rest. Again. I am leaking fluid every time I move too quickly or get up to pee. Again. My husband is doing everything for me and we are just laying around the house trying to come to grips with the fact that once AGAIN we are going to have to make hard decisions about the future of our unborn child. Induce to reduce infection risk? Continue on mind, body and spirit numbing bed rest in the hopes that maybe I'll make it to the point where Acorn MIGHT have a chance? Continue with this pregnancy in hopes of at least getting to hold our baby alive again, get to see his or her face and marvel (once again) how cute and adorable he or she is, even in death. I'm 17 weeks pregnant and there is (once again) little to no hope that Acorn is going to be born healthy and/or alive.
How does one recover from this? I've read the postings and the blogs of couples who have had to face more than one tragedy of this magnitude and I never knew quite how they scraped themselves back up off the ground. There seems little point. If what you create out of love and hope and dreams for the future is doomed to die, what keeps people going? How can my body fail so spectacularly a second time?
We are crushed under the weight of this.
I miss Acorn already.
I have only questions and no one out in blog land can answer them.