Off to see the wizard...

"We're off to see the Wizard, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz.
You'll find he is a whiz of a Wiz! If ever a Wiz! there was.
If ever oh ever a Wiz! there was The Wizard of Oz is one because,
Because, because, because, because, because.
Because of the wonderful things he does.
We're off to see the Wizard. The Wonderful Wizard of Oz"
-(Obviously) song is from "The Wizard of Oz"

Today I went for my IPS screening (blood work + ultrasound) and threw in a visit to my OB. This OB is the same one I had for Aidan's pregnancy. Being a 'high risk' cardiac patient I have no choice in who I go to see for pregnancy care. He is "THE" OB who takes on complex cardiac defect patients. He works out of the 'Special Pregnancy Program' which is a combined office of Fetal and Maternal medicine specialists. They are the province-wide specialists in "investigation and management of the full range of maternal, fetal and placental difficulties that may occur during pregnancy." Underline and bold the word 'investigation' and put the word 'management' in smaller, finer type.

Probably because it sucks to think of myself as 'high risk', I wasn't thrilled with my OB, even before my last pregnancy. It wasn't anything specific to do with him. I'm sure he's a perfectly adequate OB (even a great OB)...but it sucked not to have a choice of care provider. If I'd had a choice, I would have chosen a female OB. Plus I probably would have chosen one that was closer to home, rather than all the way downtown (almost an hour drive in traffic). I would have liked to chose a less busy practice, one that could see me other days of the week rather than JUST Thursdays. Hell, if I'd had my druthers I'd have gone to a midwife (but stuck with the hospital birth). No such luck however, for Emily and her half a heart.

So, now after having a very bad experience during my last pregnancy, I wasn't looking forward to going back there. I felt a little like I was going to see 'the Wizard' like Dorothy and crew from The Wizard of Oz.

Let me explain: You know how Dorothy arrives in Oz and hears that the Emerald city has an all powerful wizard who will help her return back home to Kansas. So she makes the trek to see him...only to find out he's an ordinary little man, hiding behind a big machine and a microphone, who really has no power at all. Eventually Dorothy and co. realize the powers they were searching for was in them all along etc. Cue crying, hugging and general merriment.

That's kind of how I feel about going back to this "Special Pregnancy Program" and my OB. I feel like Aidan's pregnancy was me going to the Emerald city with promises of finding 'specialists' and 'experts' to help me and my body make a healthy baby. Instead I found an ordinary bunch of men and women, including the 'best' OBs in the city...who couldn't do anything to help when my pregnancy was failing and my son was dying. No magical shoes at the end of that pregnancy.

However, griping aside, my appointment today went quite well (despite lasting 4 hours, most of which was waiting). Ultrasound showed nothing out the ordinary (as far as the tech could see). NT measurement was 1.2 mm. Met with the (regular ole', non-magical) OB who actually flat out admitted that if anything went wrong with the placenta this pregnancy, there was nothing they could do about it. I appreciated his honesty. But he said that he felt 'cautiously optimistic' because so far, I've had none of the problems I had early on in Aidan's pregnancy. We will, once again, be monitoring my heart closely, and I already have FOUR ultrasounds to look forward to in the next couple of months including a 16 week placenta ultrasound, a 18-20 week anatomy scan, a 20-ish week fetal cardiac ECHO to check out the baby's heart, and another 22 week placenta ultrasound to get a better read on how my placenta's functioning. I'm sure they'll also throw in a cardiac ECHO for me sometime in there too. None of which will prevent or help any sort of problem that may develop, but hey it's always nice to know if the scans are reassuring.

These are all assuming we make it to those future far off dates, of course.

So that's where we are at. We've told my parents and Brian's parents about the pregnancy and they were (thankfully) low key about it all. I was dreading comments like "I just know this time things will be fine!!!" and "Oh I can't wait, I'm SOOO excited!!!" and other such inane and completely ignorant of our history comments. Also, I've since learned that my brother and sister in law check in here every once in awhile. I'd given them the website address way back in November and then promptly forgot...so apparently they have known about the pregnancy for awhile and didn't say anything. Props to them.

So now I'm going to try to rest and relax and send positive vibes to Acorn to just keep doing what's he (or she, although I think it's a he), is doing.

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ACORN!!!!!!!

If you've had a pregnancy after loss did you return to the same OB/midwife? Why or why not? If you haven't, do you think you will? How do you feel about returning to 'that office'?