Friday, March 4, 2011

Normal? Boring? I'll take it!

Yesterday was 13 weeks and 5 days. If you haven't read it please see my "How it all went down: Part 5".

It's very weird to watch milestones pass in this pregnancy that were so very dramatic with Aidan's.

This time, I'm up. Not on bed rest. Working, planning to work for many more weeks (*fingers crossed*, our bank account would appreciate it!!). Taking the subway not worried about being alone and starting to gush blood at some random stop between my house and downtown (so far, so good). Making plans for at least a few weeks into the future to do things like go out for dinner, go to the dentist, go to a movie with a friend, without really thinking too much about "but what if something bad happens before then and I can't go?" My husband is even planning to leave town for an overnight in two weeks. When I was pregnant with Aidan I was on bed rest and we didn't plan much beyond the end of the day. With Aidan I could have been rushing to the hospital at any moment. It is only now, pregnant for a second time with Acorn, that I can really appreciate how abnormal my first pregnancy really was. I would do it again in a heart beat to save Aidan. But it is nice this time not feeling Abnormal? Compromised? Fearful? All of the above.

I went to my family doctor today. I hadn't seen her since she got my beta test results back in December, so she didn't know exactly what to say when she entered the exam room. Finally she asked, "So...are you pregnant?" Yep. I left the office with my usual prescription for the meds I take, as well as a command from her to increase my vitamin D intake, as per new research that has come out for Vitamin D in pregnancy. That's it. No blood work to check for hormone levels. No emergency ultrasounds to see if we still have a live one in there. Nothing out of the ordinary.

It was heaven.

But damn how it makes me sad for Aidan. My poor little boy, who at 13 weeks and 5 days likely lost his chance to survive. All his fluid. All gone. And his mommy didn't even know it.

I'm a little ashamed to admit it, but I do not miss the fear and anxiety that was his pregnancy.

I miss only him. Every day.

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