Friday, January 14, 2011


We have a heartbeat. 122 bpm. It's also in the correct location (not in the tube or any other crazy place a blastocycst can land). *Whew*

I can cross ectopic pregnancy and blighted ovum off my very long list of "Disasters To (pleasepleaseplease) Avoid".

That being said, the embryo was only measuring 6 weeks and 2 days, when I should have been 7 weeks according to my LMP and 6 weeks 5 days according to when I ovulated. Even worse (???) the yolk sac was measuring 5 weeks, 5 days. The doctor doing the scan didn't seem concerned, and said that the crown to rump measurement is more accurate at this stage, and even that can be off by up to half a week. I suppose it all makes sense in the fact that we seemed to have implanted late (I didn't get even a faint positive on my home pregnancy test until 14 dpo) and my initial beta levels were fairly low (but doubling nicely!!). makes me nervous. Actually, let's be honest, I would be nervous no matter what. As wonderful as it is to be pregnant (trust me, I'm not at all taking it for granted), it's also terrifying, because I have something else to lose. Somebody else that I'm responsible for, yet who I have no ability to protect beyond continuing to breathe, eat well, take my progesterone and sleep.

I think the fertility clinic doctor was a little puzzled as to why my husband and I didn't seem *overjoyed* to see a heartbeat (we were, but anxiety tends to be the more visible emotion). So we told her that we had a loss last April. She was nice about it and said that issues with the placenta tend not to reoccur. She then offered us another check-up ultrasound in 2 weeks, just to make sure things were progressing nicely.

I'm of two minds now about ultrasounds. As nice as it is to see 'hey things are normal'...the lead up to them makes me SO anxious because, as we all know, things may not be normal. I also tend to feel more nauseous when I'm anxious. I was almost puking walking from the car to the clinic yesterday. Plus the information you get from ultrasounds can make you crazy (6 weeks and 2 days!! That's over half a week behind what I thought I was...Oh no...what does Dr. Google have to say about that??!!). And so on and so forth.

It's also kind of crazy to compare pregnancies. We had an ultrasound with Aidan at 6 weeks and 1 day, where he was measuring 6 weeks and 2 days (coincidence??) and his heart rate at that time was 175!! Makes you wonder, is this embryo just laid back and chill? 122 bpm, no reason to be upset. Just resting, growing and relaxing. Was Aidan already under stress and that's why his heart rate was so high? Or maybe Aidan was just really healthy (placenta issues not withstanding) and that's why he was at 175. Maybe that's why he lasted as long as he did.

Still, I'm happy with 122. Must remind myself to hold on to the good.


  1. Oh I can understand why you're nervous. You're right though; I think you'd be nervous no matter what. Try to remember that your doctor wasn't concerned and hang in there as best you can.

  2. Oh my goodness - I completely relate to your post! I know exactly what you mean about being so nervous - obsessing over the information the doctor gives you - loving the ultrasounds and dreading them at the same time...


    I am so glad that things are progressing well - and that there was a heartbeat during your ultrasound. I'm also glad you get to go for a follow up in a couple of weeks.

    We just have to take things as the come - which can be hard. Hang in there and take good care of yourself!

  3. When Claire was first measured at 7 weeks, they told us she only measured at 6 so we had to go through the sixth week TWICE. It was incredibly nerve racking but we made it through, our doctor said it's very common for babies to measure behind because there are so many variables that effect when implantation actually occurs. The heartbeat is the biggest thing and that reduces your chances of miscarriage tremendously. The heartbeat is an amazing thing to hear, so I'm glad you got that and get to have a second ultrasound in two weeks, that's a bonus!

  4. I am so glad that you saw a heartbeat! I saw the title of your post and was hoping that that was what the number was.

    I wish that you didn't have any worry about how many weeks things are measuring. It is reassuring that the doctor doesn't seem too concerned, was understanding and is offering another check-up.

    At my 6-week post partum after losing Jacob, I was asking my OB about future pregnancies and if I would have more ultrasounds. She said that it would depend, but that having more might cause more anxiety. At the time, I thought I would want more anyway. Now that I've had the experience of a bad ultrasound (with pretty much no hope as a result) and waiting around for another one to confirm things, I think she may have been right.

  5. Oh - I'm just catching up on your blog. I know all of this is so very fragile and tentative, but my first thought was - congrats!!! Thinking of you and hoping EVERYTHING and EVERYONE is OK. This pregnancy after loss is such a crazy ride (at least for me) - so much hope and excitement, and lots of anxiety and fear too. Hang in there! We're all here for you too.

  6. So glad you got for the most part good news. I can completely understand your anxiety and as you said even if everything was measuring perfectly, pregnancy after loss brings with it anxiety. Hope things continue to move forward smoothly and you receive reassuring news at the next appointment!

  7. Glad to hear that you can rest easy for at least a minute. Good to know that baby is in there with a good heartbeat. Thinking of you!!

  8. Holding you and your family close in my thoughts right now. I just wanted to let you know that I have given you an award for your lovely blog. You just need to come and collect it from my blog.

    Wishing you gentleness x

  9. Love hearing about that sweet little heartbeat. : ) <3