Friday, December 31, 2010

Ends and Beginnings (Part 1)

This is going to be a somewhat long and jumbled post and I might even make it into two posts.

Perfect cap to a somewhat long and jumbled year.

It's New Year's Eve and I finally got the results of my 2nd beta today. I tried calling the day after I had it done (December 29th) and I got put on hold for 15 minutes at my doctor's office. I had to hang up eventually because I was at work and ya' know, had stuff to do. When I texted my husband at home, he said he'd drive over and see if they would tell him. Not 20 minutes later he texted me back saying my doctor's office had CLOSED for the day!!! (Did they leave me on hold and close??)AND they were closed the next day, December 30th!!! (I'm still not sure why that's a work day...middle of the week and all that). Anyway, finally got the results today and my 18 DPO beta from Dec 28 was: 242.

First beta: 26, Second beta: 242 Time between: 118 hours. Doubling time: 36.67 hours.


Then of course I start reading stuff on the Internet about how 'late' implantation (which I assume I had), more often results in miscarriage...

I really should just move to Antarctica and the penguins and I could survive just fine without a WiFi signal to mess with our heads. New Year's resolution #1: No more checking the Internet for shit that just scares the bejezus out of me and doesn't contribute to my mental well being.

Of course, I also have a really bad cold. I've had it for a week and this morning woke up feeling as though my left ear might explode and my throat hurt so much I could barely swallow. I thought I might have an ear infection. Due to my heart, I try not to screw around when I think I might have an infection. Now this would be the perfect type of illness for my family doctor to deal with, but I didn't even bother calling her. Why you ask? Because to get an appointment with her takes days if not weeks. If I'm actually sick when I need her, I will either be better or dead by the time my appointment rolls around. I didn't have to wait long at the walk in clinic and fortunately the doctor felt it was viral related, no antibiotics required and told me to take Tylenol (but nothing else!!). I have since caved and taken an extra strength Tylenol. I have been avoiding them the last week (even though I would have loved to take one as this cold is kicking my ass) as I made one of those stupid promises to myself. You know the ones where you promise to be good and safe and do all the right things and then in the end what you want will most definitely occur because of all the sacrifices you made??? ie: "If I don't take Tylenol for this cold, my pregnancy will be fine and result in a healthy baby". Yeah, well...can't think along those lines anymore. It didn't work for it probably won't work for baby #2. But I might just Google it until midnight...

Anyway, as I was about to leave the doctor's office, he asked the question. "Is this your first pregnancy?" I told him no and what happened. He responded with "God is watching over you". Since I don't deal with many religious people in my daily existence, I was a bit taken aback with what to say. Should I shoot back that I came here for medical, not spiritual advice and that he should keep his God talk to himself? Should I say "Thanks, but we don't believe in God?" I responded with the less antagonizing response of "I hope so". The doctor then went on to say "Oh, you don't have to hope. You hope that I'm a good doctor and that your husband is a good husband...but God is always good".

Um...right....great...tell that to Aidan...but yeah, whatever....

We made a move to walk out the door and that's when the doctor said "And you never know, he might have been disabled"....


I don't think I'll be going back to that walk in clinic anytime soon. Jackass.

I have more to say but I'd like to write a post dedicated to Aidan and this year a bit later. Since I'm just staying home tonight and vegging on the couch, I'll continue with Part 2 after I choke down some dinner.


  1. Choke down!!! I'll have you know I made a delicious dinner!!!!

  2. Sending you much love and strength right now. I am sorry you had such an unhelpful visit to the doctors. I truly wish that people would think before they speak but sadly that seems to much to ask at times. xxxxx

  3. I don't like that doctor. I would be looking elsewhere as well. He seems to be a presumptuous twit.

    Glad your betas are looking good and hope you feel better soon.

  4. Geez, what a jerk that doctor was!

    I was so careful with Jacob and with Cub in terms of taking medication, eating healthy, staying away from anything that could possibly be bad, and they both died anyway. I think next time I'll act like a normal pregnant woman and drink caffeine now and then, not worry so much about preservatives in food....stuff like that. Like you said, I thought that if I denied myself things (even those that you are allowed when pregnant) my babies would live. Now I feel like I might as well not deprive myself and maybe that will work.

    I hope that your sore throat and ear ache get better soon. I really hate sore throats. Oh, and my GP is the same as yours. You call for an appointment for something urgent and get an appointment in a month. Big help.

  5. Wow, that doctor sounds like an ass! I'd like to see him lose a baby and then say God is always good...not so much! Sending so much hope and love your way that this pregnancy continues smoothly!!!

  6. What a jerk! People don't get it...and I have my religious beliefs, but let's just say I'm still quite upset with God right, I probably would have told that Dr. where to shove his spiritual talk.

    Please try not to drive yourself nuts Googling everything! Easier said than done, I know! :)

    Yea for good doubling betas, and boo for your Dr.'s office and their crappy hours during the holidays!

  7. GASP!

    I probably would have decked him! I'm so sorry that he said that to you.

  8. Stay away from Google! I ovulated really late (like CD23) and kept reading online that it meant my egg was old and busted and would have a m/c. But so far so good!

    I usually stammer, "Um, thanks. I appreciate the thought." Which is half true - I appreciate that they're thinking of me, even if I don't appreciate the exact way they are doing it.