Monday, July 5, 2010

At the cottage

Hello fellow bloggers and random readers,

I just wanted to let all of you know that I'm up at our family cottage, so I won't be as good at keeping up with my blog for the next week or so. Keep commenting though if you feel so inclined. I will read them all upon my return.

In case you are wondering, yes we are having a good time. I hesitate to say "great time" cuz ya know having a dead baby tends to suck a little bit of the fun out of even the best of times, but we are enjoying ourselves. I realized yesterday that I should be 34 weeks pregnant. Then I also thought "We wouldn't be at the cottage right now if I was 34 weeks pregnant because A) I'd be WAY too nervous to be 2 hours away from the hospital where I'm supposed to deliver and B) Brian would be saving his remaining vacation for when the baby comes." *Sigh* No need for either of those things now.

Another nice thing is that I've been sleeping great up here which is always a plus. Although last night I had a dream about work where one of the other nurses plopped a tiny baby into my arms and I burst into tears wailing "this should be MY baby!!!". What really sucks is that will be reality in just under two months unless I can find another job. I had to figure out how to access our telephone messages remotely from up here in order to be able to reply in case someone contacts me for an interview.

So, I best stop using up the bandwidth on my husband's blackberry...and I think I need another swim. It's 30 + degrees up here today and humid (that's 90 + for all you Americans).


Oh, and greetings to my 4 new followers! I'm up to 26 now! WOW...just know that I hoard you all like a miser. I will reciprocate and read your blogs upon my return.

So, for today's question:

Do you dream about your lost baby? Does this happen often? Are these dreams sad? Happy?


  1. I'm glad that you are having some good times up at the cottage. I went away for a few days towards the end of June and found it helpful to be away from my condo where I was pregnant (and there are so many reminders) and I was anxious about going back (but it wasn't so bad).

    I hope you can find another job. But if you don't, I know how strong you are. There will definitely be difficult times at work, but you are strong enough to get through them. You have already been through the hardest thing ever.

    I don't dream about Jacob very often unfortunately. I had a dream about a week after losing him. I was still pregnant in the dream and my DH was kissing my belly. I was so incredibly happy in that dream and then I woke up and everything came crashing down again. I guess I don't want more of those dreams, but I'd love a dream that would show me what Jacob would have looked like.

    I hope the good times keep coming.

  2. Emily,
    So glad you guys are having a good time & finding some enjoyment in life. I'm one of your new followers!
    I haven't had any dreams yet, but it's early days...I'm only a week out & still on pain med's so that could be affecting things.

  3. i, too, am glad you're having a good time, and that you have a chance to relax. also glad to hear you have decided to look for another job. i hope you are able to find something that will make you happy and take away the anxiety of returning to the NICU.

    i have never dreamed of kenny, and it makes me guilty and sad. i have had some vague dreams that have something to do with my fear of whether or not i'll ever have a living baby, and worrying how hard it will be to get pregnant again, but kenny wasn't really in them.

  4. Hope you are having a good time on your vacation! And I also hope the job search goes well - I know it would be difficult to go back.

    Hurray for good sleep!

    I never had any dreams, and I always wished that I would. Then again, I lost my babies so early on. I don't have many memories for dreams to expand upon.

    Enjoy your time at the cottage!

  5. i'm glad you're having a good time.

    i wish i dreamed of my baby.

  6. Hey Emily,
    This is totally of topic... But I was up in Grand Marais MN this week and I wrote some names in stones on one of the beaches there. Aidan's name was one of them, so if you'd like a copy of the picture please email me at
    Hope you're having fun!

  7. I never dream of Foster. Once right after we were home I dreamed of lost kittens and it broke my heart all over again.

    We just got home from a month of traveling - it helped us and I hope the cottage helps you both.

    Sarah H (from over at