5 weeks + 2 days
A year ago, I should have given birth to a healthy little boy named Aidan. He should have been between 6 and 8 lbs and cried immediately. He should have been wrapped in a swaddling blanket and been handed to me by his Dad. We should have marvelled over the colour of his eyes and the colour of his hair and all the cute little noises he makes. We should have spent a few days in the hospital, with me teaching Brian how to bath him and change him and I should have been practicing breastfeeding. Then, on day 2 or 3 after everyone was happy with his progress and happy with my heart function we should have dressed him in his 'going home outfit', popped him in his car seat and driven off into the sunset.
Maybe in some other reality, one that is different from this, I have a one year old named Aidan.
But what if in that reality there is no Kaia...?
I wish I could live in the one where I have both.
How nice it would be to kiss both my children goodnight.