Monday, August 15, 2011

In another reality

5 weeks + 2 days

A year ago, I should have given birth to a healthy little boy named Aidan. He should have been between 6 and 8 lbs and cried immediately. He should have been wrapped in a swaddling blanket and been handed to me by his Dad. We should have marvelled over the colour of his eyes and the colour of his hair and all the cute little noises he makes. We should have spent a few days in the hospital, with me teaching Brian how to bath him and change him and I should have been practicing breastfeeding. Then, on day 2 or 3 after everyone was happy with his progress and happy with my heart function we should have dressed him in his 'going home outfit', popped him in his car seat and driven off into the sunset.

Maybe in some other reality, one that is different from this, I have a one year old named Aidan.

But what if in that reality there is no Kaia...?

I wish I could live in the one where I have both.

How nice it would be to kiss both my children goodnight.


  1. It's a hard day today, and I want to give you a hug. HAng in there!

  2. Sending you tons of hugs on this hard day.

  3. Oh, a tough time of year for us both. My due date with Hope was August 14, 2008. I went in to labour the next day, went in to hospital, but was later sent home. She died in my belly three days after that. I always think, she SHOULD have been born on the 15th or 16th of August. I SHOULD have a three year old right now. It shouldn't have worked out the way it did.
    Our stories are different but I come to the same conclusion now - I wish my reality included both of my babies. And I wish I could kiss both my babies goodnight.

  4. Huge hugs. Ours is coming up too and it's hard. :(