19 weeks + 2 days, 18 days post rupture
It's Monday. My husband went back to work today. He's been off since I ruptured. He took all his sick days and a whole week of vacation to sit around with me, make me food and do housework. Not the most fun vacation in the world.
I know he has to go back. There is no way we can survive on my EI income alone (which may start to arrive near the end of the month?) and I don't want him using up any more vacation time. Who knows what we are to face in the next few days/weeks/months? He got 2 bereavement days after Aidan died and then took a week off. If a death occurs again, I suppose he'll do something similar and I want him to have the time off to grieve. I wish we could send a message to family and friends that read something like "send prayers and if you can, money". It would really help.
But being alone for any amount of time during the day makes me nervous. I liked having him home and ready to rush me to the hospital at a moments notice. This week, I have a family member or friend coming to visit/take care of me each day, but it's not the same as having Brian around. I wish we could afford for him to just be home with me.
I've never actually written on my blog about the events of Aidan's delivery. I can honestly say, it was terrifying medical event (and I've had open heart surgery) and it wasn't because I knew my baby was about to die. From the moment the pain started, to the rush to the hospital, to the vomiting, drop in blood pressure, delivery without pain meds (which I had previously been told I would need to prevent heart failure), no IV started or any medical personnel around that knew me. I honestly thought I might die. I'm not eager to repeat the process, especially without Brian around.
Now every little twitch or cramp has me on edge. Is this it? Should I go to the hospital? Should I call an ambulance this time? They won't take me to the hospital I'm 'suppose' to deliver at (the one trained to handle high risk pregnancies & deliveries), they will take me to my local hospital. But isn't it better to be at a hospital in general, where I can get antibiotics and fluids, pain meds and oxygen? Or should we risk the drive downtown to the 'high risk hospital' where I (might?) will get 'better' care.
I'm only just over 19 weeks. I still have over a month to go before they would even CONSIDER admitting me to the hospital. The whole process is just so scary. I wish someone could just knock me out and wake me up when the whole ordeal is over by either handing me my beautiful dead baby or my kicking, screaming live one, also a beautiful site. I just don't want to have to cope with what comes first.
For you pPROM moms, how quick was the time from when you started to notice 'something was happening' to the time that you delivered? With Aidan it was probably 5 hours. I don't know if I will have more or less time this time around.