Monday, April 11, 2011


19 weeks + 2 days, 18 days post rupture

It's Monday. My husband went back to work today. He's been off since I ruptured. He took all his sick days and a whole week of vacation to sit around with me, make me food and do housework. Not the most fun vacation in the world.

I know he has to go back. There is no way we can survive on my EI income alone (which may start to arrive near the end of the month?) and I don't want him using up any more vacation time. Who knows what we are to face in the next few days/weeks/months? He got 2 bereavement days after Aidan died and then took a week off. If a death occurs again, I suppose he'll do something similar and I want him to have the time off to grieve. I wish we could send a message to family and friends that read something like "send prayers and if you can, money". It would really help.

But being alone for any amount of time during the day makes me nervous. I liked having him home and ready to rush me to the hospital at a moments notice. This week, I have a family member or friend coming to visit/take care of me each day, but it's not the same as having Brian around. I wish we could afford for him to just be home with me.

I've never actually written on my blog about the events of Aidan's delivery. I can honestly say, it was terrifying medical event (and I've had open heart surgery) and it wasn't because I knew my baby was about to die. From the moment the pain started, to the rush to the hospital, to the vomiting, drop in blood pressure, delivery without pain meds (which I had previously been told I would need to prevent heart failure), no IV started or any medical personnel around that knew me. I honestly thought I might die. I'm not eager to repeat the process, especially without Brian around.

Now every little twitch or cramp has me on edge. Is this it? Should I go to the hospital? Should I call an ambulance this time? They won't take me to the hospital I'm 'suppose' to deliver at (the one trained to handle high risk pregnancies & deliveries), they will take me to my local hospital. But isn't it better to be at a hospital in general, where I can get antibiotics and fluids, pain meds and oxygen? Or should we risk the drive downtown to the 'high risk hospital' where I (might?) will get 'better' care.

I'm only just over 19 weeks. I still have over a month to go before they would even CONSIDER admitting me to the hospital. The whole process is just so scary. I wish someone could just knock me out and wake me up when the whole ordeal is over by either handing me my beautiful dead baby or my kicking, screaming live one, also a beautiful site. I just don't want to have to cope with what comes first.

For you pPROM moms, how quick was the time from when you started to notice 'something was happening' to the time that you delivered? With Aidan it was probably 5 hours. I don't know if I will have more or less time this time around.


  1. My heart is with you during this time (no adjective seems to be big enough to fit the description...terrifying, awful, sliver of hope-ful-ness). I too had an awful delivery without pain meds at 23 weeks and am traumatized, as is my husband. While I'm not going through what you are going through now, I can imagine that feeling, that fear, of it all happening again, and it makes me feel like I'm unable to breath. I'm just so so upset for you, with you. It really isn't fair.

    Take care...and I check in every day hoping for good news.

  2. With our daughter Caroline I went into the dr's office at 9 am with flu-like symptoms and delivered that night at 10 pm. We have no idea how long my water had been broken for. It was a high slow leak. I'm guessing I made it a week before infection set in.

    I'm soo glad that you've made it such an amazingly long way!

    Much love!

  3. I can't imagine what you must be feeling. My labor with my twins at 20 weeks was much like how you described yours. My water broke while I was at the hospital but the nurses wouldn't let me push until my doctor got to the hospital. With no pain meds I delivered my identical twin boy's after an hour of pushing. From the time my water broke to the time I had the babies was about an hour. I am keeping you in my prayers daily and praying that God will be with you always. Betsy

  4. I just stumbled upon your blog and while our stories are quite different, I feel we have so much in common. My first pregnancy, I had pprom at 21+3 with fraternal twins. I didn't go into labor until 23+3 (14 days later) when I developed an infection and they wouldn't stop me.
    This was almost exactly two years ago :(
    Anyway, I stayed in the hospital for the first week after rupture, and then got released home. My husband (Brian!) finally had to go back to work and I was TERRIFIED. I had everything around me in bed and I was so afraid to move. I would leak all the time. I got up once a day to shower and was drinking GALLONS of water.
    When I did go into labor, I started feeling uncomfortable/gaslike pains around 3 a.m. By 6:30 a.m. I realized I could time them. I delivered my daughter (Sophie) at 12:50 p.m. and my son (Aiden) at 1:04 p.m.
    Please e-mail if you just want someone to talk to or if you have any questions. I did go on this summer to have a full term pregnancy, so please know that before you visit my blog (I don't talk about it much there, but I don't want you to be hurt because I know it is so hard right now). Or e-mail me at

  5. I also wanted to say that I'm so, so sorry about your beautiful Aidan, and that I'm praying to the universe for this beautiful bub in your belly.

  6. It was 3 days from when my water broke till I delivered my Aidan. I had vomiting and flu-like symptoms two days after my water broke, which I thought was due to my antibiotics but maybe it was due to the infection? I had light cramping the day after that, starting around 8am and gradually intensifying, and by 7pm I had my baby boy. He died before that though - before the cramping started. I was lucky enough to get an epidural, but it only worked on my left side.

    Still thinking of you and hoping the nextfew months go by quickly and without problems (yes, I am thinking long term!).

  7. I'm glad your family is pitching in and hope that they can provide some comfort and distraction, but this sounds very scary, Emily. I can definitely see why you'd rather have Brian with you. I wish with all my heart you didn't have to worry about any of it.

    Still hoping hard for you and Acorn, and sending love.

  8. With Nicholas, it was mere moments. With Sophia, my water broke at 2pm and she was born at 6:08pm. With Alexander, my water broke Thursday night, the the placental abruption began at 11pm on Saturday night. He was born 3:45am on Sunday morning. I remember my OB telling me that that first 2 weeks after rupture were the most telling. You've crossed that mark, sweetie, so, while not out of the woods, I am praying for each and every day that you see closer to full term.

    Big hugs...