Friday, October 15, 2010


It's October 15th. Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. Coincidentally my due date was 2 months ago, exactly.

I went back to my August 2010 mommies board today, just to see what life 'could have been' like. They are all posting about not sleeping, breastfeeding, cloth diapering vs. disposables, etc etc. I fell off the wagon when it was back at the "What are you having?? and "How many kicks are you feeling each day?" postings. It feels like a lifetime ago.

Things have diverged so much from what we had hoped. It is hard to even imagine what life would have been like had Aidan lived. What would his room look like? Right now it's almost completely empty. How much sleep would I be getting? Last night I slept for 7 hours straight. What size clothes would I be in? Currently still fit in the same size I've been for years. Most wistfully of all...w
hat would Aidan feel like in my arms?

I can only imagine it would feel like heaven.

I miss you my baby boy. I don't need a special day to remember you. You are with me always.

How are you 'celebrating' today?


  1. My heart is with you today. I too, most wonder how Harper would feel like in my arms. I like what you said about not needing a special day, our babies are being remembered everyday. Big hugs today and always.

  2. Thinking of you and all of our babies, especially today.

    But you are right, we don't really need a special day to remember them. If only things could have turned out the way they should have...

    (Big Hugs))

  3. I just started following your blog. I am so sorry for your loss...

    Wish all our babies are here with us today.

    And I agree with you, we don't need a special day to remember them since they are always in our hearts and minds.

  4. The what-could-have-beens are always difficult to think about, especially when you hear of other women's "luck". I feel I've lost a huge race and there's nothing, not even a consolation prize to ease the pain. Remembering Aidan with you.

  5. Just found you and little Aidan tonight. Wishing you lots of love. <3