5 weeks + 3 days in cast, 7 to 8 weeks to go.
Yep, you read that right...we're not as close to half way done as I thought. But there was good and bad news today so I'll start from the beginning.
It was an early beginning. Kaia's cast change time was at 8 am. Because she's a baby and can't hold still on command, the cast change was done under anesthetic. So while there was no actual surgery today, we had to prepare as though there was. Which means we had to wake Kaia up at 3:45 am to give her a last bottle before she was NPO (no food) for 4 hours prior to surgery. It also meant we had to be at the hospital by 6 am for her pre-op check in, so we didn't get much sleep last night (YAWN!)
Anyway, the cast change went smooth as silk. She was taken in right at 8am and she was only under for about an hour. She woke up really well (last time she screamed herself hoarse) and we were released from the hospital by 11 am. First surgical time slot of the day sucks to get started, but it's worth it to be home by noon.
The surgeon came to talk to us afterwards and said things had gone well, and Kaia's hip, from what he can tell just by x-ray and moving it around, is developing as he would like. He'd like to leave her in the cast for at least another 7 to 8 weeks. Since I was hoping we'd be out by the end of March, (ie: 6 ish weeks), this is not the most thrilling news. Now it looks like we might spend Easter in the cast. This would put her 'freedom date' sometime the second week of April if he makes us go the full 8 weeks.
The other not so wonderful thing is that after her initial surgery back in January, Kaia had an MRI immediately afterwards to confirm that her hip was in place once the cast was on (no use being in a cast if the hip isn't EXACTLY where it's suppose to be). During that MRI, an incidental finding was discovered of a "mass in the labia". You can't see this "mass" on visible inspection (and I've looked), but the surgeon told us today he suspects it might be a hernia. Kaia now has an ultrasound of her 'lady bits' scheduled for the end of February to see if they can exactly tell what it is. If it is in fact a hernia, I'm betting this isn't going to be our last day surgery procedure!
Blast!
A hernia isn't totally unexpected, as hernias are fairly common amongst the preemie set (although typically more often seen in boys in my experience), AND Kaia's got family history on her (down) side, since Brian, my father and my brother all had hernia surgery as babies. Still, it's just one more thing we'll have to 'deal' with at some point. One more scar for my little lady to chalk up.
Anyway, on to the good news.
Good news is that once Kaia is out of the cast...THAT'S IT! From what I've typically read on babycenter under the "hip dysplasia board", kids are often put in a brace or harness AGAIN after being in a cast. The 'after cast harness' is usually worn full time for awhile except for baths, then the time is gradually decreased over the following weeks/months and sometimes even YEARS to spans of "18 hours a day" or "only at night". I was fully expecting her surgeon to say that yes, Kaia would be fitted for a brace once the cast was off. However, when I asked today he said "Nope. Once the cast is off that's it".
Really? REALLY??!! YIPPEE!!!! I'll take another week or two in a cast as trade-sies for NO time in a brace.
Now I realize that we're not out of the woods yet. If, over time, Kaia's hip doesn't make the progress towards 'normal' that they would like to see, it could mean more surgery and/or cast time in the future, but we'll deal with that if it comes (and I really hope it doesn't. Can you imagine hauling your 6 year old around in a body cast? My back aches just thinking about it!)
So, that's the update! Grow Kaia's hip! GROW!!!
Monday, February 13, 2012
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
The Next: Part Two
I know this probably gets debated a lot on dead baby blogs, but it's been my experience so far that I will never feel as sad, as hopeless or as desperate for another baby than I was after I lost my first and only child. As much as in the years to come I may hope for another baby, I don't think it will be as hard? difficult? all encompassing? as it was when I was trying to get pregnant with first Aidan and then Kaia. Death of an only, in my experience, is just the rock bottom of empty.
Because I have her, I feel lucky, blessed and like I could (and may have to) consider my family complete.
But what does that mean for Kaia?
Both Brian and I each have a brother. Brian's is older, mine is younger. We both grew up in the typical mom, dad and 2 kids family. We both played with our brothers as kids. We each share that sibling bond. We can have conversations with our brothers that we couldn't have with anyone else. As Catherine so aptly put it having a conversation with your sibling is "like reading a webpage absolutely jammed pack full of hyperlinks. Or a book crammed with footnotes". Your shared past guarantees a certain understanding. Siblings own a special and important piece of your childhood that not even your parents can quite understand.
Brian and I consider ourselves lucky that we both remain fond of our siblings into adulthood. We look forward to seeing them. Neither Brian or I harbor feelings of animosity or jealousy towards our brothers and are happy when we hear they are doing well. If time and space permitted we would see them more often.
One day, as much as I might want another baby for me, I think eventually if we don't have another one I will grieve the lack of it more for Kaia. A brother or a sister is a special thing and I would feel she is missing out on something if she doesn't have a (living) sibling. Since I'm being honest, it almost scares me to think of Kaia being an only child. What if she's spoiled because of it? Will she grow up feeling lonely? What if she asks for a sibling, how will I answer? What if something happens to Brian and I (and eventually it will, as it does to us all)...she will be all alone. Over the past few years as I have watched my parents cope with the deaths of my grandparents, I realized the safety and security of having a sibling (or two or three) to lean on in difficult family times continues well into adulthood.
However, I'm also trying to be realistic and not romanticize the sibling bond too much. Yes, if I had my way Kaia would have at least one more (living, definitely living) sibling, who she would love and adore and get along with smashingly. Boy or girl. Doesn't matter.
But I know it doesn't always happen that way. Siblings can be a help and comfort to each other, but in some cases they can also be a down right drag. Take my good friend. Her brother has had repeated interactions with the law. He is in his 20s and didn't finish high school. He lacks motivation, is currently is out of work and seems to have no desire to find a job. While I know she loves him...I get the sense that she doesn't always like him and resents the stress he places on her and the rest of her family. There is a lot of 'eye-rolling' when his name comes up. While my friend and her brother see each other often, I wouldn't describe them as 'close'. Or take my cousins. These sisters have had repeated, lengthy fights as children, teens and adults. The kind where you don't speak to one another for days, weeks or months at a time. I'm sure awful things have been said and done on both sides. Before this past Christmas their fight involved one of these sister's children. It's sad and unfortunate to see their animosity passed along to the next generation.
I wonder sometimes would my friend and my cousins have wished to be only children? No one to fight with or resent or stress about. I wonder how much of their bad relationships with one another stems from treatment by their parents. Can one ever ensure that one's children get along? Or does it have more to do with personality clashes, birth order, or some other uncontrollable or outside factor? Individual successes, failures, personal strengths and weaknesses, and possible major illnesses can all play a part in how one views a sibling. It would be nice and certainly easier to believe that by some action on our behalf we could ensure Kaia and her younger sibling would be the best of friends, but it may not be up to us.
Then I look to only children I have known. My references for this includes a couple of my cousins, two childhood friends and the children of a few colleagues. What have their lives been like? On the whole, I would say these children have had good lives and don't seem to be especially 'lacking' for not having a sibling. One of my childhood friends did seem to be a bit 'spoiled' with a large sense of entitlement, but that could have been her personality, sibling or not. Only children I have known do seem to have more 'fringe' benefits in terms of material items, which makes sense, since an only's slice of the parental financial pie is going to be larger by virtue of not having to share.
One thing that I have observed with colleagues who have only children, is that they seem to be able to travel more easily with a single child and therefore do so more often...and not just to the standard 'child friendly' places (Disney World anyone?) This doesn't seem to just be due to financial reasons, either. Traveling with one child, whether it's by plane, train or automobile is likely easier to manage (one child, one suitcase, one stroller, one hand to hold is always easier to manage than 2). You only have to take one child's needs and schedules into account. Plus onlies I have known are often more 'adult' oriented by virtue of spending a lot of their home life with adults, thus sometimes being more interested in adult things. A only might like Disney World...but he or she might also be more inclined to like museums, interesting restaurants and historical sites than a child who has a sibling to team up with and insist "DISNEY! DISNEY! DISNEY!" I remember a colleague I knew took her young son to Italy. She had a picture on her desk of him chasing pigeons in an Italian piazza which was quite stunning...and definitely more my style of vacation than mouse-ears and fake castles.
Possibly the best part of having an only child, is the close child-parent bond that seems to develop between only children and their parents. Not that this can't happen in multi-child families, but some of the best examples I've seen of this are in only child families. My parent's friends had an only child who was my age growing up. She was very close with both her mom and her dad. She respected them, listened to them, and they to her. As a young adult her and her boyfriend would choose to spend time with her parents. They vacationed together. When, as an adult she had to move to a different city for work, her parents even considered moving too. She was their only child and they all wanted to be close to one another. It would be nice to think that Kaia will grow up and still enjoy spending time with us by virtue of us being her only immediate family.
An only child may make our lives somewhat more fulfilling in some ways as well. I really want to go back to school to get my masters and become a nurse practitioner. I really admire the work the NPs do at the hospital where I work and I can envision myself doing the same. Going back to school, while continuing to work, might be doable with two young children...but my opportunity to do so may come sooner and be made easier with only Kaia to have to consider. Having another child would mean I would be off work again on maternity leave for a year at some point. Great for raising a baby, not so great for furthering a career.
It's a lot to consider on both sides. I love having Kaia and I'm so grateful for her and if I had to choose today, I'd say "yes, definitely we want another baby"...but...if we don't...maybe that will okay too.
Are you an only? Had one sibling? One of many? Tell me what your home life was like as a child. What are your thoughts about onlies?
Because I have her, I feel lucky, blessed and like I could (and may have to) consider my family complete.
But what does that mean for Kaia?
Both Brian and I each have a brother. Brian's is older, mine is younger. We both grew up in the typical mom, dad and 2 kids family. We both played with our brothers as kids. We each share that sibling bond. We can have conversations with our brothers that we couldn't have with anyone else. As Catherine so aptly put it having a conversation with your sibling is "like reading a webpage absolutely jammed pack full of hyperlinks. Or a book crammed with footnotes". Your shared past guarantees a certain understanding. Siblings own a special and important piece of your childhood that not even your parents can quite understand.
Brian and I consider ourselves lucky that we both remain fond of our siblings into adulthood. We look forward to seeing them. Neither Brian or I harbor feelings of animosity or jealousy towards our brothers and are happy when we hear they are doing well. If time and space permitted we would see them more often.
One day, as much as I might want another baby for me, I think eventually if we don't have another one I will grieve the lack of it more for Kaia. A brother or a sister is a special thing and I would feel she is missing out on something if she doesn't have a (living) sibling. Since I'm being honest, it almost scares me to think of Kaia being an only child. What if she's spoiled because of it? Will she grow up feeling lonely? What if she asks for a sibling, how will I answer? What if something happens to Brian and I (and eventually it will, as it does to us all)...she will be all alone. Over the past few years as I have watched my parents cope with the deaths of my grandparents, I realized the safety and security of having a sibling (or two or three) to lean on in difficult family times continues well into adulthood.
However, I'm also trying to be realistic and not romanticize the sibling bond too much. Yes, if I had my way Kaia would have at least one more (living, definitely living) sibling, who she would love and adore and get along with smashingly. Boy or girl. Doesn't matter.
But I know it doesn't always happen that way. Siblings can be a help and comfort to each other, but in some cases they can also be a down right drag. Take my good friend. Her brother has had repeated interactions with the law. He is in his 20s and didn't finish high school. He lacks motivation, is currently is out of work and seems to have no desire to find a job. While I know she loves him...I get the sense that she doesn't always like him and resents the stress he places on her and the rest of her family. There is a lot of 'eye-rolling' when his name comes up. While my friend and her brother see each other often, I wouldn't describe them as 'close'. Or take my cousins. These sisters have had repeated, lengthy fights as children, teens and adults. The kind where you don't speak to one another for days, weeks or months at a time. I'm sure awful things have been said and done on both sides. Before this past Christmas their fight involved one of these sister's children. It's sad and unfortunate to see their animosity passed along to the next generation.
I wonder sometimes would my friend and my cousins have wished to be only children? No one to fight with or resent or stress about. I wonder how much of their bad relationships with one another stems from treatment by their parents. Can one ever ensure that one's children get along? Or does it have more to do with personality clashes, birth order, or some other uncontrollable or outside factor? Individual successes, failures, personal strengths and weaknesses, and possible major illnesses can all play a part in how one views a sibling. It would be nice and certainly easier to believe that by some action on our behalf we could ensure Kaia and her younger sibling would be the best of friends, but it may not be up to us.
Then I look to only children I have known. My references for this includes a couple of my cousins, two childhood friends and the children of a few colleagues. What have their lives been like? On the whole, I would say these children have had good lives and don't seem to be especially 'lacking' for not having a sibling. One of my childhood friends did seem to be a bit 'spoiled' with a large sense of entitlement, but that could have been her personality, sibling or not. Only children I have known do seem to have more 'fringe' benefits in terms of material items, which makes sense, since an only's slice of the parental financial pie is going to be larger by virtue of not having to share.
One thing that I have observed with colleagues who have only children, is that they seem to be able to travel more easily with a single child and therefore do so more often...and not just to the standard 'child friendly' places (Disney World anyone?) This doesn't seem to just be due to financial reasons, either. Traveling with one child, whether it's by plane, train or automobile is likely easier to manage (one child, one suitcase, one stroller, one hand to hold is always easier to manage than 2). You only have to take one child's needs and schedules into account. Plus onlies I have known are often more 'adult' oriented by virtue of spending a lot of their home life with adults, thus sometimes being more interested in adult things. A only might like Disney World...but he or she might also be more inclined to like museums, interesting restaurants and historical sites than a child who has a sibling to team up with and insist "DISNEY! DISNEY! DISNEY!" I remember a colleague I knew took her young son to Italy. She had a picture on her desk of him chasing pigeons in an Italian piazza which was quite stunning...and definitely more my style of vacation than mouse-ears and fake castles.
Possibly the best part of having an only child, is the close child-parent bond that seems to develop between only children and their parents. Not that this can't happen in multi-child families, but some of the best examples I've seen of this are in only child families. My parent's friends had an only child who was my age growing up. She was very close with both her mom and her dad. She respected them, listened to them, and they to her. As a young adult her and her boyfriend would choose to spend time with her parents. They vacationed together. When, as an adult she had to move to a different city for work, her parents even considered moving too. She was their only child and they all wanted to be close to one another. It would be nice to think that Kaia will grow up and still enjoy spending time with us by virtue of us being her only immediate family.
An only child may make our lives somewhat more fulfilling in some ways as well. I really want to go back to school to get my masters and become a nurse practitioner. I really admire the work the NPs do at the hospital where I work and I can envision myself doing the same. Going back to school, while continuing to work, might be doable with two young children...but my opportunity to do so may come sooner and be made easier with only Kaia to have to consider. Having another child would mean I would be off work again on maternity leave for a year at some point. Great for raising a baby, not so great for furthering a career.
It's a lot to consider on both sides. I love having Kaia and I'm so grateful for her and if I had to choose today, I'd say "yes, definitely we want another baby"...but...if we don't...maybe that will okay too.
Are you an only? Had one sibling? One of many? Tell me what your home life was like as a child. What are your thoughts about onlies?
Friday, February 3, 2012
Issues and non-issues
4 weeks casted, 8 weeks to go.
So I keep getting on here to write the second part of my "The Next" post, but it's just not flowing. Perhaps because it's difficult to even consider having another kid right now because we're currently having some difficulties with the one we've got. Nothing terrible mind you...but draining all the same.
So, apparently some of the things I thought would be a big problem come cast time are turning out to be relative non-issues. Kaia has been in the cast 4 weeks now and since we've added the puppy piddle pad 'runner' down the back of her cast we've had very few issues with 'poo-splosions'. The cast has no noticeable odor (actually it has a 'cast' type odor which is very non-offensive) and I've had relatively little problem keeping Kaia clean. Although it would be easier to pop her in the bath, I think both Kaia and I have come to enjoy her 'bed baths' on the kitchen counter. She definitely seems to enjoy the foot massage I give her at the end which is kind of cute. I'm sure her legs are nasty and dry, but since they're under the cast, it's not an issue. Dressing her has been okay too, although she does look a bit ridiculous in her over sized clothes, but we got a bunch of knock off baby legs from China (10 pair for $28!!) and they are fun to accessorize with.
It's her mood that has been more of a problem. Pre-cast Kaia use to be a very chill baby, easy to soothe and happy to just watch what's going on. I could pop her in her swing and she would happily kick and play and bat at her toys for over an hour, even fall asleep sometimes. That's how I got all of my Christmas baking done. She'd play or nap and I'd make cookies! Now, however, she wants to be entertained ALL THE TIME. This means she wants to be seated on my lap, enjoying toys or pulling at my face or gnawing on her hands or bouncing or rocking or being sung to....etc, etc. Now I'm all for having lots of fun play time, but sheesh chicky...mommy sometimes has to eat and pee ya' know. Worse is that when not being entertained she whines. A moderately pitched, back of the throat kind of whine. When you first hear it, you think "oh that's not bad"....until it's all you hear...all the time.
She has also been quicker to cry lately too. She hasn't been much of a crier up until this point, but now at least once a day (and sometimes more often) Kaia has an all out melt down cry. Where nothing will soothe: not a bottle, not a hug, not rocking or bouncing and you just have to wait it out. By the end she has exhausted herself and has tears running down her face and a snotty nose. It's so sad...and depressing to not be able to do anything to make it better.
Sleep has been the other big issue. Twice this week she's been awake until 1 am or later. Usually that was a very RARE occasion. She also use to be a fairly consistent napper in the afternoon. I'd often get her down for over an hour, sometimes even two or three. This week it's been more like cat naps. I'll put her down, go to pump and *just* finish and think "oh good, now I'll..." WAAAAAWHHHHHHH!!!!!!! *crap, never mind*
It's also hard to see other babies close to the same age as Kaia doing things like rolling over, and sitting up. She can't do any of that. She can push up a bit on her hands when she's on her tummy, but otherwise she has no ability to move on her own. I'm sure that's what's contributing to her grouchiness. I wish she was a little freer to develop some "mad baby skillz" which I could ooh and ahh over. I know she'll do all those things eventually, but until then she's more helpless than she or I would like.
On the positive side Kaia continues to have the biggest, best smile I have ever seen. She makes lots of noises including this weird 'inhale' laugh thing that I think is kind of funny but it creeps Brian out because he says it sounds like she's panicking. I think she does it because it makes us look at her and that's what she's all about lately. ATTENTION! Kaia's very social and LOVES parties where there is a lot of people around. Last weekend we were at Brian's brother's place for about 6 hours and she was a happy camper the whole time we were there and she barely even napped. I always get comments at these things like "Oh my goodness, she's just the best baby." Which she is... She just wants the party to happen EVERY DAY! ALL THE TIME! COME OVER TO MY HOUSE AND ENTERTAIN ME!!! She doesn't mind being passed around to different people and seems content in everyone's arms. She's also growing really well. At her appointment to get her RSV shot this week, with a little math (7.53 kg - 1.o3 kg for the cast) we figure she weighs exactly 6.5 kg (14.3 lbs), so I'm happy with her growth.
I keep getting a push from some of her doctors to start solids since she's almost 7 months actual and 5 months adjusted. And while I'm looking forward to cutting down on the pumping, I'm kind of nervous about starting anything new while she's in the cast. Even on a purely breast-milk diet Kaia had a bit of constipation this week, and while that seems to have been resolved, it makes me a little hesitant to start adding things to her diet which are unfamiliar. The last thing we want is her MORE uncomfortable in a cast. Plus, she can't sit up easily to eat (she won't fit in a high chair so we'd have to hold her) and mushed up solid baby food = messy. Cast + messy = dirty smelly baby.
One thing we are looking forward to is that Kaia's cast change is coming up in a week and a half. I'm going to ask her surgeon if her second cast needs to be *quite* so high as part of her frustration is not being able to easily put things in her mouth due to the cast being in the way. Also it might free up her torso to move a bit which might make her happier. They have to put her under anesthesia to change the cast, which is unfortunate as it means all the prep for surgery (no milk for 4 hours beforehand)...however the cast change comes at the half way point so that means we are almost halfway done and halfway to a working hip (pleaseohpleaseohplease)!
So that's what's up with us lately.
Some pictures of Kaia in a happy mood!
So I keep getting on here to write the second part of my "The Next" post, but it's just not flowing. Perhaps because it's difficult to even consider having another kid right now because we're currently having some difficulties with the one we've got. Nothing terrible mind you...but draining all the same.
So, apparently some of the things I thought would be a big problem come cast time are turning out to be relative non-issues. Kaia has been in the cast 4 weeks now and since we've added the puppy piddle pad 'runner' down the back of her cast we've had very few issues with 'poo-splosions'. The cast has no noticeable odor (actually it has a 'cast' type odor which is very non-offensive) and I've had relatively little problem keeping Kaia clean. Although it would be easier to pop her in the bath, I think both Kaia and I have come to enjoy her 'bed baths' on the kitchen counter. She definitely seems to enjoy the foot massage I give her at the end which is kind of cute. I'm sure her legs are nasty and dry, but since they're under the cast, it's not an issue. Dressing her has been okay too, although she does look a bit ridiculous in her over sized clothes, but we got a bunch of knock off baby legs from China (10 pair for $28!!) and they are fun to accessorize with.
It's her mood that has been more of a problem. Pre-cast Kaia use to be a very chill baby, easy to soothe and happy to just watch what's going on. I could pop her in her swing and she would happily kick and play and bat at her toys for over an hour, even fall asleep sometimes. That's how I got all of my Christmas baking done. She'd play or nap and I'd make cookies! Now, however, she wants to be entertained ALL THE TIME. This means she wants to be seated on my lap, enjoying toys or pulling at my face or gnawing on her hands or bouncing or rocking or being sung to....etc, etc. Now I'm all for having lots of fun play time, but sheesh chicky...mommy sometimes has to eat and pee ya' know. Worse is that when not being entertained she whines. A moderately pitched, back of the throat kind of whine. When you first hear it, you think "oh that's not bad"....until it's all you hear...all the time.
She has also been quicker to cry lately too. She hasn't been much of a crier up until this point, but now at least once a day (and sometimes more often) Kaia has an all out melt down cry. Where nothing will soothe: not a bottle, not a hug, not rocking or bouncing and you just have to wait it out. By the end she has exhausted herself and has tears running down her face and a snotty nose. It's so sad...and depressing to not be able to do anything to make it better.
Sleep has been the other big issue. Twice this week she's been awake until 1 am or later. Usually that was a very RARE occasion. She also use to be a fairly consistent napper in the afternoon. I'd often get her down for over an hour, sometimes even two or three. This week it's been more like cat naps. I'll put her down, go to pump and *just* finish and think "oh good, now I'll..." WAAAAAWHHHHHHH!!!!!!! *crap, never mind*
It's also hard to see other babies close to the same age as Kaia doing things like rolling over, and sitting up. She can't do any of that. She can push up a bit on her hands when she's on her tummy, but otherwise she has no ability to move on her own. I'm sure that's what's contributing to her grouchiness. I wish she was a little freer to develop some "mad baby skillz" which I could ooh and ahh over. I know she'll do all those things eventually, but until then she's more helpless than she or I would like.
On the positive side Kaia continues to have the biggest, best smile I have ever seen. She makes lots of noises including this weird 'inhale' laugh thing that I think is kind of funny but it creeps Brian out because he says it sounds like she's panicking. I think she does it because it makes us look at her and that's what she's all about lately. ATTENTION! Kaia's very social and LOVES parties where there is a lot of people around. Last weekend we were at Brian's brother's place for about 6 hours and she was a happy camper the whole time we were there and she barely even napped. I always get comments at these things like "Oh my goodness, she's just the best baby." Which she is... She just wants the party to happen EVERY DAY! ALL THE TIME! COME OVER TO MY HOUSE AND ENTERTAIN ME!!! She doesn't mind being passed around to different people and seems content in everyone's arms. She's also growing really well. At her appointment to get her RSV shot this week, with a little math (7.53 kg - 1.o3 kg for the cast) we figure she weighs exactly 6.5 kg (14.3 lbs), so I'm happy with her growth.
I keep getting a push from some of her doctors to start solids since she's almost 7 months actual and 5 months adjusted. And while I'm looking forward to cutting down on the pumping, I'm kind of nervous about starting anything new while she's in the cast. Even on a purely breast-milk diet Kaia had a bit of constipation this week, and while that seems to have been resolved, it makes me a little hesitant to start adding things to her diet which are unfamiliar. The last thing we want is her MORE uncomfortable in a cast. Plus, she can't sit up easily to eat (she won't fit in a high chair so we'd have to hold her) and mushed up solid baby food = messy. Cast + messy = dirty smelly baby.
One thing we are looking forward to is that Kaia's cast change is coming up in a week and a half. I'm going to ask her surgeon if her second cast needs to be *quite* so high as part of her frustration is not being able to easily put things in her mouth due to the cast being in the way. Also it might free up her torso to move a bit which might make her happier. They have to put her under anesthesia to change the cast, which is unfortunate as it means all the prep for surgery (no milk for 4 hours beforehand)...however the cast change comes at the half way point so that means we are almost halfway done and halfway to a working hip (pleaseohpleaseohplease)!
So that's what's up with us lately.
Some pictures of Kaia in a happy mood!
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
The Next: Part One
We spent New Year's Eve the year with boy J., girl J. and their daughter C., who I mentioned in this post. C was born in June after Aidan died. She is now a very advanced 18 month old who already knows many of her letters and is close to being potty trained.
Impressive as hell, right?
Anyway, since they have done such an awesome job of turning baby #1 into a smart little toddler, J. and J. have announced that they are planning on trying for baby #2 at the end of this month.
*Sigh*
Now, while I am genuinely happy for them, and look forward to the day that I can meet J. & J.'s second amazing offspring, I can't help thinking "here we go again". Hearing about others pregnancies and births doesn't carry quite the same sting that it did for most of 2010 and 2011, but I do still feel a little twinge. Not because I necessarily want to that to be ME right now...but because I don't know if I will ever have that opportunity again.
It really hit home this morning when Brian dismantled the bassinet that we had set up in our room. Kaia's time as a newborn is over. She might be my one and only (living) baby and she's already growing up and moving away....right down the hall to her own room of course...but still...
Part of my sadness about her being in the cast is that she's not my squishy baby right now. She's heavy, and awkward, and cuddling with her is kind of like cuddling a brick. I'm just sad that if Kaia is the only baby I ever get to raise, we will have spent 19 weeks of her first year (over 1/3) having to love on her via a hospital visit or through a cast.
Knowing the difficulty we had in having a family is probably why I get asked "are you guys planning on having another child?" in such a hushed and solemn tone of voice. People want to know, and I don't mind them asking...however...
I really don't know how to answer this question.
Actually, no that's not true. I DO know how to answer this question, but it involves launching into a long complicated pro/con discussion that goes a little something like this:
I would love another child. I always wanted at least two (living) children and I currently haven't met my intended quota. However, after two disastrous pregnancies, we are understandably a little hesitant to leap into that unknown.
If we are looking at it in terms of MY health, then I feel confident my body could handle another pregnancy. My heart did well in both pregnancies, and my cardiologists were impressed with my recovery. I could currently use a whole lot of toning and strengthening and some cardio, but that's nothing getting back to work, the gym and chasing Kaia around when she can walk won't cure. I don't know how long I would want to put off another pregnancy in terms of my heart. I'm going to be 30 this year, and I think the younger I am when attempting a pregnancy the better. So if this were the deciding factor, I'd say we'd be trying for baby #2 within the next 2 years.
Oh, how I wish that were the only consideration...but alas...
If we are looking at it in terms of the prospective baby, then that puts a whole new spin on things. We currently have NO idea why I developed a Breus mole placenta in both pregnancies, which probably led to my water breaking WAY too early in both cases. The first time, my team of doctors considered it a fluke...the second time they pretty much shrugged their collective shoulders and said "huh, well maybe it's genetic". Yeah great, awesome deduction guys! We just don't know how 'heritable' this condition is. ie: how likely is it to happen again? 100%, 50%, 10%? Also I don't know if we can do anything to modify this risk. Certain supplements I could take? Certain medications? Certain medications I should STOP taking? I think I'd like to talk to Dr. K., the placenta specialist again, before any decisions are made, but my feeling is that any pregnancy we embark upon will be done with the caution that 'it might happen again'.
And, I don't know if we could handle that.
How could I embark on another pregnancy with the knowledge that there is a certain (small, medium, large, extra large?) chance that pPROM could happen again, causing the possible death/disability of theoretical baby #3? Is that fair to the baby? Is that fair to us? Brian and I and our families still have such sadness in our hearts for Aidan. We feel such loss for him and for ourselves. How could I chance that again?
Of course, if they had told us after Aidan was born that we had a good chance of having another pPROM caused by a Breus mole, then we may have decided against any future pregnancies. In which case we would not have Kaia. She has brought such light and love into our lives, and despite a few set backs (prematurity, her hip), she is a very healthy, happy girl. So, how could I NOT chance that again?
Then there is the physical toll that pregnancy took on my body other than my heart. I think my current back problems still stem from all the bed rest and the strength that I lost during that time. I remember on the night before Kaia was born, when they told me I was going for my C-section within the next 12 to 24 hours. In amongst the 8000 thoughts that were flying through my head was this one: THANK GOD, TOMORROW BED REST ENDS!!! I'm NEVER doing this shit again!!!!
But if I was pregnant again and things went the same way my last two pregnancies did, how could I NOT agree to do bed rest? How could I deny the best possible care for theoretical baby #3 that I did for Aidan and Kaia? I don't know if bed rest was what got Aidan to 23 weeks and Kaia to 32 weeks, but it probably didn't hurt. Both Brian and I know, that faced with that situation again, we'd probably do the same thing. Emily in bed doing next to nothing (and relying on EI for money). Brian at work and doing all the chores and having to shoulder a large part of the financial burden. Only this time we would have Kaia to consider. Not sure how mommy on complete bed rest for weeks on end with a small child would go, but I'm sure it would only complicate matters.
The main issue I have is that we don't know why it happened, twice. Once could be a fluke, twice and I begin to question if something is wrong with us. But if something IS wrong with us...what IS that something?
Is there something wrong with my baby-making parts? Does my heart affect blood flow in a way that causes pPROM? Does my short luteal phase point to a deeper problem that is, as yet, undiscovered? If we put our genetic material into another person via surrogacy, would that make a difference? It seems like a hell of an expensive shot to take, and I don't know if I could, in good conscience ask another woman to risk that for us.
If it is strictly genetic and the 'vessel' doesn't matter could those embryos with self-destructive placentas be 'weeded' out with pre-implantation diagnosis? If that was possible, then we could start saving our pennies for IVF. Or, if it's one of us that carries a 'defective' placenta making gene, then maybe we should consider either sperm or egg donation. Not sure about those logistics in Canada, and not sure how I feel about our child being genetically linked to only one of us, but it would be another avenue to consider.
Or, if the problem is genetic, and we can't figure out a high tech way around it and we don't want to risk another placenta going 'kaplooie', then maybe adoption would be right for us.
As you can see, there is a lot to consider. I would LOVE another baby some day, and a chance at a 'normal' pregnancy. But, unlike J. & J. who seem to be focusing solely on the financial and organizational logistics of having a second child, I feel like we have a lot more to consider.
And a hell of a bigger risk to take.
People rarely solicit advice on their personal blogs, but I'm going to do just that. Pretend you're me. Would you risk it again?
Impressive as hell, right?
Anyway, since they have done such an awesome job of turning baby #1 into a smart little toddler, J. and J. have announced that they are planning on trying for baby #2 at the end of this month.
*Sigh*
Now, while I am genuinely happy for them, and look forward to the day that I can meet J. & J.'s second amazing offspring, I can't help thinking "here we go again". Hearing about others pregnancies and births doesn't carry quite the same sting that it did for most of 2010 and 2011, but I do still feel a little twinge. Not because I necessarily want to that to be ME right now...but because I don't know if I will ever have that opportunity again.
It really hit home this morning when Brian dismantled the bassinet that we had set up in our room. Kaia's time as a newborn is over. She might be my one and only (living) baby and she's already growing up and moving away....right down the hall to her own room of course...but still...
Part of my sadness about her being in the cast is that she's not my squishy baby right now. She's heavy, and awkward, and cuddling with her is kind of like cuddling a brick. I'm just sad that if Kaia is the only baby I ever get to raise, we will have spent 19 weeks of her first year (over 1/3) having to love on her via a hospital visit or through a cast.
Knowing the difficulty we had in having a family is probably why I get asked "are you guys planning on having another child?" in such a hushed and solemn tone of voice. People want to know, and I don't mind them asking...however...
I really don't know how to answer this question.
Actually, no that's not true. I DO know how to answer this question, but it involves launching into a long complicated pro/con discussion that goes a little something like this:
I would love another child. I always wanted at least two (living) children and I currently haven't met my intended quota. However, after two disastrous pregnancies, we are understandably a little hesitant to leap into that unknown.
If we are looking at it in terms of MY health, then I feel confident my body could handle another pregnancy. My heart did well in both pregnancies, and my cardiologists were impressed with my recovery. I could currently use a whole lot of toning and strengthening and some cardio, but that's nothing getting back to work, the gym and chasing Kaia around when she can walk won't cure. I don't know how long I would want to put off another pregnancy in terms of my heart. I'm going to be 30 this year, and I think the younger I am when attempting a pregnancy the better. So if this were the deciding factor, I'd say we'd be trying for baby #2 within the next 2 years.
Oh, how I wish that were the only consideration...but alas...
If we are looking at it in terms of the prospective baby, then that puts a whole new spin on things. We currently have NO idea why I developed a Breus mole placenta in both pregnancies, which probably led to my water breaking WAY too early in both cases. The first time, my team of doctors considered it a fluke...the second time they pretty much shrugged their collective shoulders and said "huh, well maybe it's genetic". Yeah great, awesome deduction guys! We just don't know how 'heritable' this condition is. ie: how likely is it to happen again? 100%, 50%, 10%? Also I don't know if we can do anything to modify this risk. Certain supplements I could take? Certain medications? Certain medications I should STOP taking? I think I'd like to talk to Dr. K., the placenta specialist again, before any decisions are made, but my feeling is that any pregnancy we embark upon will be done with the caution that 'it might happen again'.
And, I don't know if we could handle that.
How could I embark on another pregnancy with the knowledge that there is a certain (small, medium, large, extra large?) chance that pPROM could happen again, causing the possible death/disability of theoretical baby #3? Is that fair to the baby? Is that fair to us? Brian and I and our families still have such sadness in our hearts for Aidan. We feel such loss for him and for ourselves. How could I chance that again?
Of course, if they had told us after Aidan was born that we had a good chance of having another pPROM caused by a Breus mole, then we may have decided against any future pregnancies. In which case we would not have Kaia. She has brought such light and love into our lives, and despite a few set backs (prematurity, her hip), she is a very healthy, happy girl. So, how could I NOT chance that again?
Then there is the physical toll that pregnancy took on my body other than my heart. I think my current back problems still stem from all the bed rest and the strength that I lost during that time. I remember on the night before Kaia was born, when they told me I was going for my C-section within the next 12 to 24 hours. In amongst the 8000 thoughts that were flying through my head was this one: THANK GOD, TOMORROW BED REST ENDS!!! I'm NEVER doing this shit again!!!!
But if I was pregnant again and things went the same way my last two pregnancies did, how could I NOT agree to do bed rest? How could I deny the best possible care for theoretical baby #3 that I did for Aidan and Kaia? I don't know if bed rest was what got Aidan to 23 weeks and Kaia to 32 weeks, but it probably didn't hurt. Both Brian and I know, that faced with that situation again, we'd probably do the same thing. Emily in bed doing next to nothing (and relying on EI for money). Brian at work and doing all the chores and having to shoulder a large part of the financial burden. Only this time we would have Kaia to consider. Not sure how mommy on complete bed rest for weeks on end with a small child would go, but I'm sure it would only complicate matters.
The main issue I have is that we don't know why it happened, twice. Once could be a fluke, twice and I begin to question if something is wrong with us. But if something IS wrong with us...what IS that something?
Is there something wrong with my baby-making parts? Does my heart affect blood flow in a way that causes pPROM? Does my short luteal phase point to a deeper problem that is, as yet, undiscovered? If we put our genetic material into another person via surrogacy, would that make a difference? It seems like a hell of an expensive shot to take, and I don't know if I could, in good conscience ask another woman to risk that for us.
If it is strictly genetic and the 'vessel' doesn't matter could those embryos with self-destructive placentas be 'weeded' out with pre-implantation diagnosis? If that was possible, then we could start saving our pennies for IVF. Or, if it's one of us that carries a 'defective' placenta making gene, then maybe we should consider either sperm or egg donation. Not sure about those logistics in Canada, and not sure how I feel about our child being genetically linked to only one of us, but it would be another avenue to consider.
Or, if the problem is genetic, and we can't figure out a high tech way around it and we don't want to risk another placenta going 'kaplooie', then maybe adoption would be right for us.
As you can see, there is a lot to consider. I would LOVE another baby some day, and a chance at a 'normal' pregnancy. But, unlike J. & J. who seem to be focusing solely on the financial and organizational logistics of having a second child, I feel like we have a lot more to consider.
And a hell of a bigger risk to take.
People rarely solicit advice on their personal blogs, but I'm going to do just that. Pretend you're me. Would you risk it again?
Monday, January 16, 2012
Castdom
1 1/2 weeks in cast, 11 weeks to go.
While Kaia is adjusting fairly well to cast-dom, I must admit I'm having a harder time with it. I hate seeing my baby wrapped up in fiberglass (casts are now made out of fiberglass and lined with a soft padding rather than plaster). I hate that she is no longer squishy and cuddly and it bothers me how difficult it is to change her. We have had a few poo-splosion and honestly, they suck. I change her bum many more times per day than I use to pre-cast, but I know that sometimes she has leaks and it BOTHERS me to NO END that pee and poop may at this very moment be sitting next her delicate baby skin and I can't CLEAN IT PROPERLY!!! I can do nothing but try to shove the diaper as far as I can up the hole left open around her lady parts and wipe the inner cast lining that I can reach like crazy when the diaper leaks.
The big problem is that the cast comes up so high. Kaia can chew on the on top part of the cast. It stretches from under her arms down to her ankles with cut outs at her belly and her diaper area. I've seen other babies in spica casts and their casts don't come up nearly so high. I don't know why Kaia's is so large, but it's something I want to talk to them about when she gets her cast changed on February 13th (the cast gets changed once at the half way mark). It probably had to be that high to stabilize her hip, but damn if it doesn't make EVERYTHING so much harder. It's so high, she can't put her arms down to her sides and I can't comfortably breast feed anymore. Not that we breast fed a lot, but usually once or twice a day I'd let her have a bit of a nibble...now we're strictly on bottles because I can't hold a stiff 7 kg kid at breast height for any length of time. Kaia is wickedly heavy in the cast and she can't lay on her side on a pillow as her legs stick out in frog position.
My back has been the other big issue. I've had a sore back for months now and I think I'm really going to have to go for some chiropractor or physio help. The jump that Kaia had from 6 to 7 kg overnight didn't help matters, and it puts a lot more strain on my back now that she's so stiff. No longer can she 'meld' into my body like babies do when you hold them. She's basically like an armor clad starfish.
I know I'm going on and on about this, but in my real life people don't really seem to get it. Even Brian is like "it's not so bad". Everyone keeps saying things like "well it's only for a few months" and "at least it's not life threatening" and "it's a good thing she's a baby, she won't even remember it". My answer to the first is that a FEW MONTHS is a very long time when it's something you have to deal with every single minute of every single day. The cast wouldn't be as bad if we could remove it, even for short periods, but it's a constant thing that has changed many of our daily routines with her.
And yes, of course I'm glad it's not something life threatening...because OH YEAH, we dealt with that LAST YEAR!!! And it was AWFUL. So yes, I understand life threatening, and yes, I'm glad this isn't, but I don't think it's too much to ask to have the words 'normal' and 'healthy' attached to your kid rather that "dislocated left hip".
The one that really gets me is the 'good thing she's a baby' comment. Because yes, it's SO much better that she can't tell me what is bothering her (sarcasm) and I have to guess from the intensity of her whining how serious it is. It's like people think babies are somehow unaware of their environment and 'get use to things' easier than an older child or adult. Honestly, I think that's baloney. Kaia has definitely been more crabby and fussy since going into her cast, and it's not like I can explain to her why she's in it or how it's helping her. All she knows is she can't move her legs and she can't reach her toys like she use to and mommy no longer breastfeeds her or is able to hold her close. Being immobile sucks at any age, which I feel particularly sympathetic to (HELLO BED REST) and causes your body to hurt in ways you never thought possible.
I also wonder what the cast is doing her her psychologically. Maybe nothing. But I wonder if it will affect her mood or personality down the line? I know being in the hospital affected me a lot as a child (although I was older), so whose to say 3 months in a body cast before the age of 1 won't 'scar' her mentally.
Anyway, I know we'll get through it. It's not like we have a choice. It just feels like a very long time, especially now that winter has really set in here. There are no holidays or family parties to look forward to, and I'm fairly house-bound with a heavy, poopy, crabby baby.
Doesn't that sound like a party?
***Update***
The above was written on Saturday. I never get my posts up the same day I write them anymore as I get interrupted by Kaia demands before I have time to proof read or spell check, so I figured I would update in the same post and let you know that we've found somewhat of a solution to the poopy problem.
Yesterday Brian bought a whole box of puppy 'piddle pads'. You know the thin plastic backed absorbent sheets that you use while house-breaking your dog? Yeah those. Brian had the ingenious idea to cut them into 8ths (so they are about 4 inches wide) to act as a 'runner' down Kaia's back to rest between her and the lining of the cast. We tape them lightly to back outside of her cast, then thread them down the back, absorbent side towards her skin, where they emerge from the poop hole cut out in the cast. Then the diaper gets shoved between the piddle pad runner and her bum. If she happens to have a poop that shoots up her back, it lands on the runner and not the cast! We've been sticking with this set up for over 24 hours now and I haven't had to wipe poop out of the cast once. YES!
Also, I made a chiropractor appointment for tomorrow. I'm excited to hopefully get rid of this awful back pain.
And now for some pictures which someone asked for.
The first two pictures are of Kaia 'undressed' except for the diaper shoved in her 'diaper hole'. A larger (size 5) diaper goes over the whole thing to help contain everything, although it doesn't get dirty that often. The second two pictures are her in my new favourite outfit. Brian got her these knock off Baby Legs for Christmas and I love how bright they are. And yes, it does look like Kaia has giant Dolly Parton boobs when she's dressed. Since clothes have to stretch to fit over the cast she's in size 6 to 12 months even though she's 4 months corrected and prior to the cast was just outgrowing all of her 0-3 month clothes.
Without further ado, Kaia, in all her cast glory!
While Kaia is adjusting fairly well to cast-dom, I must admit I'm having a harder time with it. I hate seeing my baby wrapped up in fiberglass (casts are now made out of fiberglass and lined with a soft padding rather than plaster). I hate that she is no longer squishy and cuddly and it bothers me how difficult it is to change her. We have had a few poo-splosion and honestly, they suck. I change her bum many more times per day than I use to pre-cast, but I know that sometimes she has leaks and it BOTHERS me to NO END that pee and poop may at this very moment be sitting next her delicate baby skin and I can't CLEAN IT PROPERLY!!! I can do nothing but try to shove the diaper as far as I can up the hole left open around her lady parts and wipe the inner cast lining that I can reach like crazy when the diaper leaks.
The big problem is that the cast comes up so high. Kaia can chew on the on top part of the cast. It stretches from under her arms down to her ankles with cut outs at her belly and her diaper area. I've seen other babies in spica casts and their casts don't come up nearly so high. I don't know why Kaia's is so large, but it's something I want to talk to them about when she gets her cast changed on February 13th (the cast gets changed once at the half way mark). It probably had to be that high to stabilize her hip, but damn if it doesn't make EVERYTHING so much harder. It's so high, she can't put her arms down to her sides and I can't comfortably breast feed anymore. Not that we breast fed a lot, but usually once or twice a day I'd let her have a bit of a nibble...now we're strictly on bottles because I can't hold a stiff 7 kg kid at breast height for any length of time. Kaia is wickedly heavy in the cast and she can't lay on her side on a pillow as her legs stick out in frog position.
My back has been the other big issue. I've had a sore back for months now and I think I'm really going to have to go for some chiropractor or physio help. The jump that Kaia had from 6 to 7 kg overnight didn't help matters, and it puts a lot more strain on my back now that she's so stiff. No longer can she 'meld' into my body like babies do when you hold them. She's basically like an armor clad starfish.
I know I'm going on and on about this, but in my real life people don't really seem to get it. Even Brian is like "it's not so bad". Everyone keeps saying things like "well it's only for a few months" and "at least it's not life threatening" and "it's a good thing she's a baby, she won't even remember it". My answer to the first is that a FEW MONTHS is a very long time when it's something you have to deal with every single minute of every single day. The cast wouldn't be as bad if we could remove it, even for short periods, but it's a constant thing that has changed many of our daily routines with her.
And yes, of course I'm glad it's not something life threatening...because OH YEAH, we dealt with that LAST YEAR!!! And it was AWFUL. So yes, I understand life threatening, and yes, I'm glad this isn't, but I don't think it's too much to ask to have the words 'normal' and 'healthy' attached to your kid rather that "dislocated left hip".
The one that really gets me is the 'good thing she's a baby' comment. Because yes, it's SO much better that she can't tell me what is bothering her (sarcasm) and I have to guess from the intensity of her whining how serious it is. It's like people think babies are somehow unaware of their environment and 'get use to things' easier than an older child or adult. Honestly, I think that's baloney. Kaia has definitely been more crabby and fussy since going into her cast, and it's not like I can explain to her why she's in it or how it's helping her. All she knows is she can't move her legs and she can't reach her toys like she use to and mommy no longer breastfeeds her or is able to hold her close. Being immobile sucks at any age, which I feel particularly sympathetic to (HELLO BED REST) and causes your body to hurt in ways you never thought possible.
I also wonder what the cast is doing her her psychologically. Maybe nothing. But I wonder if it will affect her mood or personality down the line? I know being in the hospital affected me a lot as a child (although I was older), so whose to say 3 months in a body cast before the age of 1 won't 'scar' her mentally.
Anyway, I know we'll get through it. It's not like we have a choice. It just feels like a very long time, especially now that winter has really set in here. There are no holidays or family parties to look forward to, and I'm fairly house-bound with a heavy, poopy, crabby baby.
Doesn't that sound like a party?
***Update***
The above was written on Saturday. I never get my posts up the same day I write them anymore as I get interrupted by Kaia demands before I have time to proof read or spell check, so I figured I would update in the same post and let you know that we've found somewhat of a solution to the poopy problem.
Yesterday Brian bought a whole box of puppy 'piddle pads'. You know the thin plastic backed absorbent sheets that you use while house-breaking your dog? Yeah those. Brian had the ingenious idea to cut them into 8ths (so they are about 4 inches wide) to act as a 'runner' down Kaia's back to rest between her and the lining of the cast. We tape them lightly to back outside of her cast, then thread them down the back, absorbent side towards her skin, where they emerge from the poop hole cut out in the cast. Then the diaper gets shoved between the piddle pad runner and her bum. If she happens to have a poop that shoots up her back, it lands on the runner and not the cast! We've been sticking with this set up for over 24 hours now and I haven't had to wipe poop out of the cast once. YES!
Also, I made a chiropractor appointment for tomorrow. I'm excited to hopefully get rid of this awful back pain.
And now for some pictures which someone asked for.
The first two pictures are of Kaia 'undressed' except for the diaper shoved in her 'diaper hole'. A larger (size 5) diaper goes over the whole thing to help contain everything, although it doesn't get dirty that often. The second two pictures are her in my new favourite outfit. Brian got her these knock off Baby Legs for Christmas and I love how bright they are. And yes, it does look like Kaia has giant Dolly Parton boobs when she's dressed. Since clothes have to stretch to fit over the cast she's in size 6 to 12 months even though she's 4 months corrected and prior to the cast was just outgrowing all of her 0-3 month clothes.
Without further ado, Kaia, in all her cast glory!
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Spica Hell: Suck fest 2012
Cast day 5.
Every year for the past few years we seem to get lobbed a shitty circumstance that is totally out of the ordinary to what other people 'generally' have to deal with and Brian and I and our families have to navigate through it and hope like hell we can hold it together.
Now so far, the spica cast hasn't been quite the same hell that a dead baby (2010) and an endangered pregnancy and subsequent 50 day NICU stay (2011) was...but hey, we're less than 2 weeks into January!
Last Friday Kaia went in to surgery at around 11am. Brian and I found this step more stressful than we had anticipated. I was awake since 3:15 that morning because I couldn't sleep and we had Kaia up at 5:45am to eat her last bottle before she was "NPO" (nil per os = no food, a fancy way to describe torture to a baby). It was really weird walking into the hospital where I work and being the parent of a child having surgery. One of the nurses I use to work with was the first person I saw walking into the day surgery unit where Kaia was scheduled that morning and I hadn't seen her since I left the NICU in 2010. She didn't know about either Aidan and Kaia, so after regaling her with that long story (and almost having her in tears), she made a big fuss about how cute Kaia was and how this spica cast thing won't come close to the ordeals we've had in the past.
True...I guess...but it's still pretty sucky.
After Kaia's surgery we were whisked down for an urgent MRI. Apparently Kaia had woken up from the anesthetic in the recovery room screaming, and they were afraid something was wrong with her hip position. However, the MRI went well and the hip is in place in the cast. Now we just have to wait 12 weeks and hope that her pelvic bone grows sufficiently around the ball of her femer creating a working hip.
We brought her home the next day (Saturday), and it's only today (Tuesday) that Kaia seems more herself. Last night was the worst night yet. She was SO upset and cried from about 10:30pm to 1:30am and finally fell asleep only after we dosed her with the morphine the hospital gave us a prescription for. Kaia's never been exactly 'easy' to settle at night, but this was TOTALLY over the top. I was one dose of morphine away from calling the orthopedic resident on call at the hospital and yelling at him "WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY SWEET BABY?"
Let's hope tonight's a better night and Kaia returns to her happy normal self.
Cuz if not, this is going to be a LOOOONNNNGGGG 3 months.
Every year for the past few years we seem to get lobbed a shitty circumstance that is totally out of the ordinary to what other people 'generally' have to deal with and Brian and I and our families have to navigate through it and hope like hell we can hold it together.
Now so far, the spica cast hasn't been quite the same hell that a dead baby (2010) and an endangered pregnancy and subsequent 50 day NICU stay (2011) was...but hey, we're less than 2 weeks into January!
Last Friday Kaia went in to surgery at around 11am. Brian and I found this step more stressful than we had anticipated. I was awake since 3:15 that morning because I couldn't sleep and we had Kaia up at 5:45am to eat her last bottle before she was "NPO" (nil per os = no food, a fancy way to describe torture to a baby). It was really weird walking into the hospital where I work and being the parent of a child having surgery. One of the nurses I use to work with was the first person I saw walking into the day surgery unit where Kaia was scheduled that morning and I hadn't seen her since I left the NICU in 2010. She didn't know about either Aidan and Kaia, so after regaling her with that long story (and almost having her in tears), she made a big fuss about how cute Kaia was and how this spica cast thing won't come close to the ordeals we've had in the past.
True...I guess...but it's still pretty sucky.
After Kaia's surgery we were whisked down for an urgent MRI. Apparently Kaia had woken up from the anesthetic in the recovery room screaming, and they were afraid something was wrong with her hip position. However, the MRI went well and the hip is in place in the cast. Now we just have to wait 12 weeks and hope that her pelvic bone grows sufficiently around the ball of her femer creating a working hip.
We brought her home the next day (Saturday), and it's only today (Tuesday) that Kaia seems more herself. Last night was the worst night yet. She was SO upset and cried from about 10:30pm to 1:30am and finally fell asleep only after we dosed her with the morphine the hospital gave us a prescription for. Kaia's never been exactly 'easy' to settle at night, but this was TOTALLY over the top. I was one dose of morphine away from calling the orthopedic resident on call at the hospital and yelling at him "WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY SWEET BABY?"
Let's hope tonight's a better night and Kaia returns to her happy normal self.
Cuz if not, this is going to be a LOOOONNNNGGGG 3 months.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
New Year
We started the New Year off right last night by having our friends J & J over and their daughter C, who is 18 months old. It was a lot of fun and I had a good New Years. Much better than last year, where I was 5 weeks pregnant, had an ear ache, was afraid to take Tylenol and couldn't wait to pour myself into bed.
We've really made the most of the holidays this year. On December 27th we packed up Kaia and all her crap (3 small bags, 2 giant suitcases, 1 stroller and car seat and a partridge in a pear tree) and traveled 6 hours in the car to visit Brian's grandmother, returning home on the 29th. Grandma is 90 and in the hospital. Brian hadn't seen her in 5 years, I've only met her a handful of times and she's only seen pictures of Kaia. After my grandmother died this past summer, we felt it was important for Kaia to meet her last remaining great-grandparent. I still feel badly that I never went to see my grandmother in the hospital after she broke her hip and before she died, so as much as it was a lot of work, it was worth the trip to make Brian's grandmother's day.
Kaia had an excellent (and busy) Christmas Day. Didn't get much of a nap, but what kid does on Christmas? She got lots of toys and clothes and a rocking horse to use when she's older. We did put her on it and got this face:
And this one:
Kaia has really found her voice the past few weeks. We now get screeching and babbling and even some real laughter. She really likes it when she has the hiccups and you imitate her by making 'hiccup' noises. She thinks it's hilarious and so do we.
Now that it's officially January, we are in countdown to cast day. It's only 5 days away. I'm hoping it's going to be easier and less stressful than I'm fearing. It's just that the cast feels so intrusive. Like it will change everything we've gotten use to and feel comfortable doing with our baby. She will have to be diapered differently, sleep in a different place, won't fit in the same clothes, and we'll need to buy or rent a car seat that will fit her. We won't even be able to carry her the same way. She can't be held under her arms; we have to pick her up under her cast to avoid it pulling down on her body. I'm trying not to worry about it too much, but it's hard now when cast day is so close. I'm sure we'll get use to it...it just that it sucks that we'll HAVE to get use to it.
Despite this cast business, I must say I feel more positive and upbeat looking forward to 2012. I have so much to be grateful for and am looking forward to learning about Kaia's personality as she grows. I'm hoping this year will bring us a more peaceful, routine lifestyle. I hope we will feel calmer, happier, more prosperous and less stressed and sad than we were for most of 2010 and 2011. So far, it's looking good!
Onward 2012!
We've really made the most of the holidays this year. On December 27th we packed up Kaia and all her crap (3 small bags, 2 giant suitcases, 1 stroller and car seat and a partridge in a pear tree) and traveled 6 hours in the car to visit Brian's grandmother, returning home on the 29th. Grandma is 90 and in the hospital. Brian hadn't seen her in 5 years, I've only met her a handful of times and she's only seen pictures of Kaia. After my grandmother died this past summer, we felt it was important for Kaia to meet her last remaining great-grandparent. I still feel badly that I never went to see my grandmother in the hospital after she broke her hip and before she died, so as much as it was a lot of work, it was worth the trip to make Brian's grandmother's day.
Kaia had an excellent (and busy) Christmas Day. Didn't get much of a nap, but what kid does on Christmas? She got lots of toys and clothes and a rocking horse to use when she's older. We did put her on it and got this face:
And this one:
Kaia has really found her voice the past few weeks. We now get screeching and babbling and even some real laughter. She really likes it when she has the hiccups and you imitate her by making 'hiccup' noises. She thinks it's hilarious and so do we.Now that it's officially January, we are in countdown to cast day. It's only 5 days away. I'm hoping it's going to be easier and less stressful than I'm fearing. It's just that the cast feels so intrusive. Like it will change everything we've gotten use to and feel comfortable doing with our baby. She will have to be diapered differently, sleep in a different place, won't fit in the same clothes, and we'll need to buy or rent a car seat that will fit her. We won't even be able to carry her the same way. She can't be held under her arms; we have to pick her up under her cast to avoid it pulling down on her body. I'm trying not to worry about it too much, but it's hard now when cast day is so close. I'm sure we'll get use to it...it just that it sucks that we'll HAVE to get use to it.
Despite this cast business, I must say I feel more positive and upbeat looking forward to 2012. I have so much to be grateful for and am looking forward to learning about Kaia's personality as she grows. I'm hoping this year will bring us a more peaceful, routine lifestyle. I hope we will feel calmer, happier, more prosperous and less stressed and sad than we were for most of 2010 and 2011. So far, it's looking good!
Onward 2012!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)