I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed.
I had a job interview today for one of the clinics at the hospital where I am currently on mat leave from. It sounds like a great job, 3-4 days per week, day time hours only, interesting patients, lots to learn...but also very intense with a lot of very sick children counting on me to help get them better. After being off work for over a year and only having my small little family to worry about, going back to being in charge of other people's kids and their health is very daunting. In some of my better moments I KNOW I can do it. In others? I'm kind of quaking in my boots. Does everyone feel this way when faced with starting a new job?
It's also stressful that I don't KNOW yet where I'm going to end up. I put in another resume to pick up a part time position back on unit that I use to work on before going off on leave. It would be great to be back with my old colleagues, and I am familiar with the position (I mean why wouldn't they want me back??!!), but I haven't heard anything yet. Not sure what's going on there. Kind of thought I would be a shoe-in since before my contract was cancelled due to budget constraints I would have been coming back there anyway...so...why haven't they called me? Then today, I got a call from the administrative assistant from the NICU, who set up a telephone meeting for me on Friday with my manager from the NICU. I know the question is going to be "so, when are you coming back?" and I honestly don't know how to answer her. I would like to say "oh yes, I've got a new position starting in early August on the _____ unit, so I'll be coming back to the NICU for a few casual shifts a month". But, if the other two jobs don't work out, I will need to work in the NICU more than that. I'm nervous that she will think I don't care about the NICU, which I do. I just don't think it's mentally healthy for me to work there more than part time. Too much stress hitting way to close to home.
The other (major) concern is of course, Kaia. What to do with her while I'm at work? We live in a big city so there are lots of daycare and babysitting options...but not many that start before 7am I had a lead on what I thought was going to be a great place. Brian could drop her off as early as 6 am. It was close by. The woman seemed knowledgeable, interested and involved with the children she looks after. Then I get an e-mail that this past weekend she has sold her house and is moving to a different area of the city. Not REALLY far away...but far enough that it would make pick ups and drop offs a real pain. I could have cried. My stress level sky rocketed. NOW what am I going to do??!!
Kaia is wonderful. The hospital I work at is amazing. I am blessed to have a career. Balancing all of it is HARD!!!
I think I need a nap.