It's my husband's birthday this weekend. On August 8th he will be 32 years old.
I wish I had a way to make it special for him. I wish Aidan were here or about to be born. I wish I could pull something out of my hat (or out of my uterus) to make him happy, to make this day special for him. I wish the entire weekend was filled with joy, rather than tinged with sadness.
We got him a cookies and cream gelato cake. It better be damn good.
But no cake will be good enough.
On the other hand, thank you my babylost friends for responding with such love and acceptance to my last post. It is hard for me to admit how much of a failure I feel like. I *know* I'm not, but there is always those niggling feelings of 'what if'...but I did feel a little better after my last post.
So happy weekend all. Next week I join the 'land of the living'. I'll try to keep my thoughts on positive and happy things. Maybe, just maybe it will be okay.
How have you made birthdays and other occasions special for each other since the loss of your baby? Can you get through the day without thinking, "If only..."