tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-176061010619490822.post1837442234081572491..comments2023-09-18T08:07:15.353-04:00Comments on Aidan, Baby of Mine: I hate it hereEmilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17587287197734518952noreply@blogger.comBlogger23125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-176061010619490822.post-9437491665281245172011-05-11T21:43:08.286-04:002011-05-11T21:43:08.286-04:00I am thinking of you. I spent only a few days her...I am thinking of you. I spent only a few days here and there in the hospital during my 2 months on bedrest (in a private room) and I was miserable -- they woke me up all the time, I didn't sleep well at all, and my husband was always running back home to take care of the house etc. It's lonely and miserable and I am so sorry you're enduring it for so long. This stuff is probably pretty obvious, but insist on your own pillows (tons of them, including a body pillow) your own blankets and even sheets if you want. Wear your own pjs. Anything to make you feel a little more comfortable. I know we don't know each other and I don't know how much computer time you have, but I do get on google chat a fair amount if you're looking for some online company. I was always desperate for ways to pass the time. Let me know.<br /><br />You are in my thoughts!quadmomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17254199098599230245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-176061010619490822.post-29301941030196755572011-05-11T13:32:00.357-04:002011-05-11T13:32:00.357-04:00Thank you for letting us know your boundaries by t...Thank you for letting us know your boundaries by telling us what you mood you are in. There is no doubt how hard it is to just even think of the future outcomes.Pattyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02332101040396511481noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-176061010619490822.post-62709449770938743822011-05-09T15:34:23.646-04:002011-05-09T15:34:23.646-04:00Oh Emily, that sounds like you've had a rough ...Oh Emily, that sounds like you've had a rough week. I've been away from my blog reader for a few days so just getting caught up. I cannot imagine being in your situation and having to share a room too...ugh! <br /><br />I totally get what you are saying though about 24 weeks. I've thought about that a lot when people are so thankful to get to 24 weeks, because although I know it at least gives babies a chance I know all to well that there are still many things that can go wrong with these tiny ones too. Obviously, you know too and sometimes knowing is worse. There are plenty of miracles for those babies born early though, so for you I pray for that. And I pray that mentally this hospital stay will get easier for you.Melissahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16483071078235764202noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-176061010619490822.post-21604325311512804692011-05-09T15:00:42.588-04:002011-05-09T15:00:42.588-04:00Just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you a...Just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you and I do often.Melissahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01470256892625243127noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-176061010619490822.post-8575245208466827342011-05-09T13:26:15.783-04:002011-05-09T13:26:15.783-04:00That just sucks. Sorry you are stuck in the non-pr...That just sucks. Sorry you are stuck in the non-private room, is that for the duration or does that change after a certain point in pg or length of hosp stay? I would totally throw the fit of "its hurting my mental health and I am prone to infection" for any and all who make a difference - but I would also be sorely tempted to get the private room by paying if necessary. You NEED that space. <br /><br />I would (in my complete ignorance of the situation) explain how DH moving to your parent's house would ease your mind, but not beg him to go as his mental state is also on the edge. Maybe he could stay there 3 nights a week or something?<br /><br />I think you probably should stay in the hospital yourself, depressing as it is. You are fighting the good fight, stay strong sister.Musicmakermommahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05037916811991595880noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-176061010619490822.post-32408084402324597522011-05-09T12:23:58.433-04:002011-05-09T12:23:58.433-04:00Ugh. What a shitty ass situation all around. There...Ugh. What a shitty ass situation all around. There's not a clear right thing to do. Is there a fund or *something* they can do to get you in a private room for less than that cost? Your mental health is so crucial. If you're going insane and are miserable, I think it's clearly not the right situation for you. Maybe try talking to the social worker or someone and see if there is anything they can do? Maybe your doctor can convince your insurance company to pay for a private room as a need (less chance for infection, mental state, something??). It's funny...when my water broke with Caleb all I wanted was to get to the point where you are, and reading about you being here...I'm so grateful I didn't have to go through it. I'm so sorry you do. Life couldn't be more fucking unfair.Larahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14724675337980390322noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-176061010619490822.post-6080029146390875752011-05-09T09:13:52.010-04:002011-05-09T09:13:52.010-04:00I can really relate to most of this post but espec...I can really relate to most of this post but especially to what you write about "saving" the baby. That is exactly how we felt when we were preparing for Harper's inevitable delivery at 26 weeks. We knew the odds were stacked against her and we didn't want her to suffer, didn't want to "save" her for our own selfish reasons just so she could have a shitty quality of life. It sucks to have to even think about things like that but like you said, that is part of being a parent. We never got into the situation where we had to make the REALLY hard decisions b/c she passed away right after her birth but I get it, it is emotionally grueling. <br /><br />I have been where you are, waiting for the other shoe to drop every*single*minute*of*everyday, waiting for something else to happen and just feeling so helpless to it all. It sucks and it wreaks havoc on your mental state and I am sorry that you are going through this. Just know that I am here listening and hoping for the best...Rhiannonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11722893069322386523noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-176061010619490822.post-62591537666186463692011-05-09T04:45:32.435-04:002011-05-09T04:45:32.435-04:00Just so bloody unfair. All of this. Sending so muc...Just so bloody unfair. All of this. Sending so much love. That's all today.<br />xoHope's Mamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04984543289642681339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-176061010619490822.post-4573795444810872182011-05-09T04:08:32.719-04:002011-05-09T04:08:32.719-04:00I am so sorry Emily. During my 10 weeks of pprom I...I am so sorry Emily. During my 10 weeks of pprom I was hospitalised 3 times all times being in hospital for 4 nights. I am so grateful I could spend the rest of the time at home. I too hated it in hospital. I had to share a room with 3 women whose biggest fear was delivering at 34 weeks, something I would have loved. I also felt the same about resuscitation at 24 weeks though I am not sure what I would have done had it actually happened. I really feel for for you and wish I could help.Loumaryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03324396055973731510noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-176061010619490822.post-9318047121692989532011-05-09T01:28:06.299-04:002011-05-09T01:28:06.299-04:00Having to share a hospital room sounds horrible, b...Having to share a hospital room sounds horrible, but so does $700 a week. I keep praying for you to reach the 24 week point also but I understand what you mean by the low survival rate and the chance of your little one having serious health problems being born so early. It's all so scary.<br />Thinking about you and Acorn daily...Beckyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11917822168137274298noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-176061010619490822.post-22722689486238475732011-05-09T00:27:51.995-04:002011-05-09T00:27:51.995-04:00What a horrible way to spend any day, and especial...What a horrible way to spend any day, and especially mother's day! I hope you at least give yourself credit for being an AMAZING mother, fighting so hard to give Acorn the best chance. I know that you don't have a lot of choices right now and even when you do have choices (like private room or not) all the options suck. <br /><br />It's a small thing, but maybe you could sleep in the lounge chair and your husband could take the bed. I did that my last time in the hospital and the nurses were a little surprised to find a man sleeping in the bed, but it really helped me sleep better. <br /><br />Thinking of you every day and hoping...Anniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12316978989809741699noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-176061010619490822.post-52585530413209730482011-05-08T21:57:04.889-04:002011-05-08T21:57:04.889-04:00It sucks the big one Emily. There are no sugar coa...It sucks the big one Emily. There are no sugar coated words that will make you feel any better about your situation or you state of mind. <br />How are you with swearing? In some of my darkest moments I find that a good strong f-bomb at least cracks a small wedge into my dark heart. I am thinking of you....Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-176061010619490822.post-40350331229980652692011-05-08T20:43:47.844-04:002011-05-08T20:43:47.844-04:00Ugh, I am reliving those days through you. I was ...Ugh, I am reliving those days through you. I was exactly in the same situation, but had the private room, and it did help, although if I had to pay that much I would also have said no. I also wanted my husband with me all the time, and he had to go do the house/pet maintenance, plus he refused to stay longer than a few hours because it was making him depressed more than he could handle. He wanted to escape a bit, and trust me I also did but was stuck in bed in Trendelenburg. Let him do what he needs to do, in retrospect it was good that I did because you don't need a worn out husband to deal with as well. It is a very hard situation, and especially today it is a very hard day. Maybe leave the resuscitation questions for another day, it is too much to think about right now. If it happens, sometimes you decide based on the moment and on what the baby does and looks like. The peds do help with the decision too, and will guide you. I would talk to a pediatrician, even if you know the stats and the potential complications, sometimes they can give you a bit of structure in this difficult decision.MrsHhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18277631338883839373noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-176061010619490822.post-1741361301364643882011-05-08T20:20:28.808-04:002011-05-08T20:20:28.808-04:00I wanted to let you know that I just went back and...I wanted to let you know that I just went back and reread all of my bedrest posts...And I was miserable. Just miserable and bitter and angry and everything. I did hate it there. So I think that it is a normal thing to hate being on bedrest in a situation where you don't know the outcome.<br /><br /><br />I like what T said...Trust yourself. You know what is best for you.Noellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17217779025743115019noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-176061010619490822.post-44957953793033076992011-05-08T19:16:21.948-04:002011-05-08T19:16:21.948-04:00At least you know that if you still hate it there,...At least you know that if you still hate it there, you're still sane!! I think someone should smuggle a water pistol into the room for you; then you could put disinfectant into it and decontaminate people before they went into your loo!! (Sorry - this is my extremely lame attempt to make you smile. I'm sure it's not working, but I just thought I'd let you know I wish I could.)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-176061010619490822.post-68371178991833210352011-05-08T18:55:47.387-04:002011-05-08T18:55:47.387-04:00As mentioned in my last comment, when I was 22 wee...As mentioned in my last comment, when I was 22 weeks in L&D and shiz was going bad but I wasn't "in labor", I only stayed for a day. For the past year I've battled with myself because I felt like I didn't fight for my child and maybe I should've demanded that they admit me. I have no idea if this would've changed the outcome for my son but, of course, I look back and wonder how I could've helped him more than I did because of how much I miss him and love him, etc. Reading this post is enlightening because I can place myself in your shoes, in the hospital, and I see how frustrating it would be. <br /><br />I don't think anyone knows what you should or shouldn't do. Trust yourself. You simply have to. If living with your mom is unacceptable, at least consider a private room. Also, 1.5 weeks with your parents should be something your husband should at least consider for you. If they can lift some of your burden in any way, shape or form, let them. It just sounds like something needs to change for you.<br /><br />Thinking of you and Acorn.Thttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11246142239742915169noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-176061010619490822.post-73694671529506587572011-05-08T18:55:02.647-04:002011-05-08T18:55:02.647-04:00I hated having to share the room. That was the WOR...I hated having to share the room. That was the WORST part of it, and it made everything else horrible. When do they say you can move to a private room? I was told that I could move when I had been there long enough and it was in the order of seniority. But about four nights in I went insane. I cried and cried and told the nurse that I was going crazy. My roomates pregnancy was not nearly as high risk as mine, and I was jealous and I was having anxiety attacks. Can you tell them that this is affecting your heart and anxiety? If not, then I would consider paying the extra money if you guys have it. It made all of the difference for me. Once I got into my own room, I actually started being okay with the routine and everyone barging into my room. I had my own tv and I pretended like I was in a hotel. During the 6 week stay, I didn't think that i enjoyed it, but now I actually look back on it with fondness. (I think that is partly colored by the outcome, but the single room did make the biggest difference). <br /><br />I think if you had your own room you wouldn't want to leave. I think you need to do what you need to do, so if you need to go, then go. But you are in the safest place and they have the monitors and can tell when anything goes wrong. If Acorn starts deceling, they can get you into emergency surgery right away. <br /><br />I hear what you are saying about wanting a quality of life for your child. Having a premature baby has been very difficult, and we did just get the g-tube placed last month, and there are many unknowns for her development. We were never in a "save my child no matter what" mode, and I may have been one of those parents, so I am thankful that that didn't happen. But you are very clear-minded about it, and I don't think that is going to change once you have him/her. <br /><br />Do what you need to do for you. Just make sure that you try everything you can to get that room. I really think once you are there you will begin to feel a little bit better, or even a lot better. <br /><br />Okay, no cheery stuff from me today...I say cry and cry and cry and let those nurses see you crying and maybe that will get you your room. (My nurse was an angel and did it as 1am and somehow pulled some strings.)Noellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17217779025743115019noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-176061010619490822.post-51943978445211767052011-05-08T18:42:10.368-04:002011-05-08T18:42:10.368-04:00Hi, Im listening too, and feeling for you. I think...Hi, Im listening too, and feeling for you. I think your reasons for wanting to move to your parents are entirely valid, understandable and sensible. Your mental well being is so important too! Hope Brian can understand. Praying, Susie in New ZealandWilliamhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13400698516232754828noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-176061010619490822.post-69659401065524388082011-05-08T17:58:39.681-04:002011-05-08T17:58:39.681-04:00I don't know you at all, therefore I don't...I don't know you at all, therefore I don't know your financial situation. I however, can put myself *slightly* in your shoes and imagine how uncomfortable I would be sharing a hospital room with a stranger while already in a fragile state of mind. If it is at all possible for you to spend the extra $100 a day to have a private room, I would seriously consider that. <br /><br />I can only imagine if I were in your shoes, the tremendous amount of relief I would feel in having my own room. And I do mean tremendous, I'm a private person and sharing a room would make me feel horrible.Amyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18112581503624421924noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-176061010619490822.post-42148657984541593652011-05-08T17:52:38.588-04:002011-05-08T17:52:38.588-04:00We received Xavier's post mortem from the coro...We received Xavier's post mortem from the coroner on Thursday. We made the choice to have him removed from life support for the very reason you wrote, that there are worse things than death as far as outcomes, and we didn't want that for our child.<br /><br />Please try and stay hopeful. I know that is a tall order, but I think you both can make it, I am hopeful for you...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-176061010619490822.post-55850524738145103762011-05-08T17:13:02.775-04:002011-05-08T17:13:02.775-04:00I have no other words either. Just that I am here,...I have no other words either. Just that I am here, I am reading all your posts, and I am thinking of you all the time. <br /><br />Sending you love.Danahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12860497122946287983noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-176061010619490822.post-74148955170086561242011-05-08T17:07:47.201-04:002011-05-08T17:07:47.201-04:00Emily, I hope that knowing that we're here and...Emily, I hope that knowing that we're here and that you are able to get your thoughts out helps. I truly do.<br /><br />I again, even with your current state, admire your ability to be logical (extra money for a private room, your cat, your parents). If you would truly be more comfortable staying at your parents, then perhaps that's what you should do. After all, this is your mental state that we're talking about. I know it's your husband's baby, too, but you're in the hospital, all day.<br /><br />Keeping you in my thoughts.Kellyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08507118457609696378noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-176061010619490822.post-5266496792427191022011-05-08T17:03:32.501-04:002011-05-08T17:03:32.501-04:00I have no words other than I am listening. We are...I have no words other than I am listening. We are listening to all you have to say and I hope that it helps a little to know that. <br /><br />Sending love as always.Ava's mummyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17710945961053736013noreply@blogger.com