tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-176061010619490822.post4061866811347780468..comments2023-09-18T08:07:15.353-04:00Comments on Aidan, Baby of Mine: Birth Days and CrazeEmilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17587287197734518952noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-176061010619490822.post-75367701692878491632012-08-24T19:51:45.486-04:002012-08-24T19:51:45.486-04:00I finally got around to reading this post, and it ...I finally got around to reading this post, and it was a good post. You probably already know how I feel toward c-sections and pregnancy in general but I'll share it anyway. First off I have always been against home deliveries and midwives and all of that. Not that they aren't great for some, and people have had them for hundreds of years, but I too am a worry wart and wanted to be with an OB and have my baby in a hospital so I was as close as possible to good medical care if it was needed. Too bad it couldn't have ended up that all my worry was for nothing though. I also always wanted to do it the all natural route; vaginal delivery and tough it out without drugs. When I got pregnant with my son and had learned of his spina bifida, whether I was going to be doing fetal surgery or not, I knew that I was going to need a c-section. I was told that a vaginal delivery would make his spina bifida worse and I was okay giving up the chance for a natural delivery if it was in the best interest of my son. With my daughter then, since I had the fetal surgery I knew again that I had to always have a c-section which again I was okay with. Things didn't work, again, but I could've easily bled to death without an emergency c-section and fast acting doctors. Since I also had a uterine rupture I am also now a huge fan of c-sections after a vaginal delivery as well. I have met more people that have been told to do a VBAC and how safe they are and ruptured and loss there baby. I know the numbers are low but I just feel the c-section was a safer route. On the other side if this though if I had never had the fetal surgery/c-section I most likely would've never had a uterine rupture. Okay I feel all over the place with this and probably made no sense how I truly feel about c-sections, but I guess its because both times I have had surgery it has ended badly. <br /><br />Thank you also for all of the comments you have left on my blog. You always leave the best comments and I appreciate all you have to say. I do still read your blog on occassion. Although lately I don't tend to read many blogs at all except for a couple which involve gestational surrogacy or have experienced multiple stillbirth and newborn losses like myself. I barely feel like I want to even write on my own blog these days. So much I want to say and yet have to force myself to even go to it. It just doesn't have the same appeal as it once did. I miss so many of you all though as you all became like family to me this past year and half. Most peoples blogs I can no longer read as they are too painful. Yours I can handle reading a lot more than others. I think it may be because I already new kaia long before I lost Evelynn. I guess its just different in a way. Anyway, thank you for being so supportive.Beckyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11917822168137274298noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-176061010619490822.post-59818004623952606662012-08-20T04:14:30.595-04:002012-08-20T04:14:30.595-04:00With my daughter I had a very medical pregnancy an...With my daughter I had a very medical pregnancy and birth. After my son died I got a medical indication for ever pregnancy that would follow, even though expectations were that a next baby would be born without complications, since what happened to my son was just what they call bad luck. After having an ectopic pregnancy in between, I became pregnant with my daughter who was born four months ago. At 20 weeks it was discovered that she has a heart condition and a cleft lip and palate. It's all treatable, but we didn't kow that for sure during pregnancy. I was hospitalised a lot, had to take heart medication for my daughter, had over 50 ultrasounds and eventually had a c-section at 35 weeks, because they needed to treat my baby's heart outside of me. There was hardly anything natural about it, but my daughter is alive and well and hopefully she's here to stay.<br />Having had the all-natural pregnancy and birth, ending in death and then the complete opposite of that with my rainbow baby, I have a lot of thoughts on his subject, but I do not know what to think about it exactly. I cherish the memory of my first pregnancy and of delivering my son. I just wish it would have ended with a healthy, living baby. Having lost a baby I do not want to nag about c-sections, but I was slightly disappointed that I could not have a vaginal delivery with my daughter (also because I am not happy that now there is something more to worry about, if I ever become pregnant again). Things happened the way they did. I can blame the Dutch medical system, but in many countries I would have bled to death myself, my son would have died right away, instead of being with us for a week and my daughter (who actually would not have been born, if I had died delivering my son, but hey...) would have a cleft lip and palate for the rest of her life and god only knows what would have happened with her heart. <br />Sorry for this ridiculously elaborate comment, that wasn't even accepted in one go. I guess your post really struck a chord. <br /> Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-176061010619490822.post-59603416751879681732012-08-20T04:13:18.329-04:002012-08-20T04:13:18.329-04:00I live in Holland. I had a home birth with my firs...I live in Holland. I had a home birth with my first baby after a healthy and happy pregnancy. He was even born on his due date. My son came out alive and beautiful, but he didn't start breathing. It turned out he had suffered from severe oxygen deficiency. A week later he died in my arms.<br />You would think I curse home births, but I don't. Things would not have gone differently had I delivered in hospital. Here in Holland, if you choose to deliver in hospital, but there is no medical indication to do so (like health problems with baby or mother, prior c-section or loss, etc), you just pay for a hospital room and get the midwife you would have had at home. The only difference for me would have been that in hospital my not breathing baby would have been taken away from me immediately. Here at home I sat beside him, talked to him, held his hand, while the paramedics treated him before we were rushed off to hospital. And oh yeah, it would have made a difference if I had chosen to have an epidural, because then they do monitor the baby's heartbeat the whole time. I chose not to have an epidural, because I had read about the possible risks they have for babies. So yes, epidurals are a touchy subject with me and I wish I would have chosen not to have pain myself, because in hindsight that would have been the best choice for my baby.<br />I don't know if the Dutch system is insane. There is certainly a lot of discussion about it here in the media. I think that in a system like the U.S. you still have babies dying (well, obviously...). They're just different babies dying from different complications. By the way, I do not believe 80% of Dutch babies are born at home. Most women I know delivered in hospital, because midwives send you to hospital if there seems to be the slightest chance that something is going wrong. What happened to me is apparently very, very, véry rare.<br />I do believe delivering babies is the most natural thing, but I also believe that mothers and babies dying in the process is unfortunately very natural too. It's a miracle that nowadays in many countries most mothers and babies survive. <br />I'm sure your cousin is a very nice person, but I find it very hard when people say they would 'know' when things were going wrong. It's probably just very naive, but it sounds a bit arrogant to claim that you would know what many people obviously do not know. So many people lose their baby without knowing that it is happening. Your cousins remark kind of implies that our babies died because of our own stupidity. I've always had the weird, ominous feeling that my son would die and I was worried during labor, but I did not know what was happening. I feel like I failed him. That's probably why it's so painful to hear other mothers claim that they would be able to protect their child in such a situation.<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-176061010619490822.post-22191984187743370212012-08-19T11:36:27.379-04:002012-08-19T11:36:27.379-04:00Personally I thin it's all just a case by case...Personally I thin it's all just a case by case situation. My first was an emergency C due to HELLP at 36 weeks. My very pro VBAC OB at the time felt I was not a candidate for one with #2.. and obviously not beyond that. I have given birth to 6 children but I have never been in labor- and I don't think I missed out on a single thing other than the ability to parent all 6 of those children. <br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-176061010619490822.post-11005385100270861412012-08-17T21:51:50.677-04:002012-08-17T21:51:50.677-04:00I loved this post and often think about this topic...I loved this post and often think about this topic and how my views have changed. When we were pregnant with Caleb we were all about "all natural." Took the 12 week classes and everything. We never wanted a home birth, but lots of people we knew had them and turned out fine. Then when he died just 10 days before his due date and I realized I still had to get him out somehow, I wanted all the drugs in the world! I didnt care about anything at that point.<br /><br />With our rainbow baby I was induced just like with Caleb but at 37 weeks. Both inductions ended in easy, medicated, vaginal deliveries. The thing that bothers me is that while we were taking all our "natural" classes I felt like they made inductions sound like the worst possible thing. Now after losing a baby I know that is the worst thing. Inductions are not bad, they usually end in live babies and live moms.<br /><br />Its hard to watch friends and family be so "carefree" about childbirth. I get mad that I don't have that luxury anymore and there is a part of me that wants to remind others that they are wrong-something could go wrong. I believe its almost selfish to have the baby at home. You risk your life and your babies. Sure people did it for hundreds of years, but they also died. My view now is what I assume all babyloss moms' view is -just get the baby out alive. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16589192780867730261noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-176061010619490822.post-75648644745245742022012-08-16T12:23:29.573-04:002012-08-16T12:23:29.573-04:00I appreciate a lot of things about this post. For ...I appreciate a lot of things about this post. For one, your comments about denial rang so true, sadly, for me. I hope you don't mind me saying this, but I beat myself up on a daily basis still that I waited so long to go to the hospital when I was in labor at 23 weeks with my son, Liam. Mentally, my defense is that labor at 23 weeks feels nothing like labor when you are full term so it is a helluva lot easier to write it off as sciatic pain or weird back pain. While it's a fairly good defense, I still find myself placing an incredible amount of blame, thinking that had I listened to my body, maybe just maybe the doctors would've done something (alas I know this not to be true since I had been in the hospital at 22 weeks and they were adamant to not intervene with a baby this young...but that's another story). Sorry, I'm getting sidetracked...<br /><br />Anyway, this is why blogs are so incredibly helpful to me. Here I am, sitting at home in the States, and I read your blog in Canada and your truth and honesty about your own experiences with denial ring so true and help me to realize that sadly I'm human and not alone in what I went through. That I need to try every day to let myself off the hook a bit because I'm human and it was a tragedy and it could happen to anyone.<br /><br />But, back to home births, yes, when your child has died and you thought that you were completely healthy and able to give birth the way women have been giving birth for eternity, you look at home births very differently. I'm glad and eternally grateful I was induced at 38 weeks with my daughter. I couldn't endure going "full term" for fear that I would again be on the wrong side of statistics. I was induced, had an epidural like I planned and completely avoided a c-section or scary dcels. Since I was contracting pretty regularly, I'm sure that helped. But, as everyone knows, every induction doesn't end in a section.<br /><br />-TracyThttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11246142239742915169noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-176061010619490822.post-24277604850095421752012-08-16T11:56:19.025-04:002012-08-16T11:56:19.025-04:00I really enjoyed this post. I understand so much o...I really enjoyed this post. I understand so much of what you wrote and being an American and living the costs of health care here, it's insane. I don't feel the push pressure from my OB and living in the loss world, we perhaps see this whole labor process a bit differently. I totally believe we are meant to deliver babies naturally and wherever, like you said. But being in the loss world, I want the drugs and induction and expensive bills if that means a live child. I don't want the percentage chance it won't work out, even if there are 10 scars on my abdomen. Because, somehow my natural, ready-to-make-and-deliver-bodies somehow failed me and I didn't get the memo. You're supposed to know. But I didn't. I may have had a feeling on the way to the hospital that something wasn't right, but never did I think I'd have a stillbirth to show for nearly 10 months of gestating my son. <br /><br />Above it all, I'm just jealous I can't feel comfortable and happy to deliver a baby past its due date in my own home without pain meds or worry or any of that. <br /><br />Not going to happen for me, though. B. Wilson @ Windy {City} Wilsonshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17479551028143520755noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-176061010619490822.post-57663187230155969592012-08-16T05:54:39.974-04:002012-08-16T05:54:39.974-04:00I pretty much agree with every word of this. A ver...I pretty much agree with every word of this. A very sensible post. I'm very pro natural delivery, though I have had two elective caesareans (god I hate that term). The reason being, my ob who is also very pro natural birth, refused to induce me early when my body wasn't ready, as she didn't want me to end up with an emergency c-section. And given I lost hope at 40+ weeks, mentally speaking I couldn't stand to be pregnant a second longer than 36 weeks. I held out til 38 weeks, begging to be induced but I just wasn't ready. So a c-section it was (then again two years later for rainbow baby number two). I have no regrets, I have two healthy, living children. I will always wonder what it is like to push out a live baby, but I did push out Hope. And that's the experience that makes me realise none of it matters - just get them out! I think the idea of home birth is lovely, IF it goes well. And that's the thing, there is no way of knowing. People bang on about being low risk. I WAS LOW RISK AND SHE DIED. Bad stuff happens, it happens fast, it happens when you have no idea it is happening, so why anyone would want to be at home and not where immediate help is at hand is beyond me, but that's just me.<br />Great post.<br />xoHope's Mamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04984543289642681339noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-176061010619490822.post-42837917211872569712012-08-15T22:50:52.138-04:002012-08-15T22:50:52.138-04:00I think in the U.S that it is sad that there is su...I think in the U.S that it is sad that there is such a high rate of c-sections. Many of these women were probably induced before their bodies where ready and didn't progress quickly enough for their doctors or the baby didn't react to the pit as they should have resulting in the c-section. When I was first pregnant back in 2009 I watched "The Business of Being Born" probably one of the flicks you watched on Netflix. I was very adamant that I would have a natural labor/delivery but that I would be at the hospital. After 36 hours of labor (28 without an epidural), pit on, pit off, d-cels in the heartrate, and not progressing I ended up with a c-section. There was no way I was going to have a baby naturally. I am unfortunately not made to. I ended having a c-section with my second child as well. I thought about doing a vbac but was scared of the possible uterine rupture. I'm glad I chose the decision of a repeat section because I went into labor early, had severe pain and found out my uterus was really thin and could have ruptured. My doctor potentially saved my life and my baby's life. I am forever grateful that she listened to me and my body. Not being naive any longer I would never have a birth at home. I know how quickly things can go from perfect to emergency. Sorry for the long post, that is just my experiences and how they effected me and my decisions. :-)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15599777640692514560noreply@blogger.com